Tag Archives: goats

919. Letters to the editor

919sleep

To the Editor of the “Farmers’ Monthly”

Dear Sir,

Do goats ever sleep? Every time I see Billy the Goat, he’s out eating. Only today, for example, I saw him at 3 o’clock this morning happily eating.

When does he sleep? Or don’t goats need to sleep?

Yours sincerely,
Farmer Jack

919line

To the Editor of the “Farmers’ Monthly”

Dear Sir,

Do humans ever sleep? Every time I see Farmer Jack, he’s out looking. Only today, for example, I saw him at 3 o’clock this morning checking to see if I was eating.

When does he sleep? Or don’t humans need to sleep?

Yours sincerely,
Billy the Goat

811. Granny’s nannies

811goats

Old Granny Brown figured a way to make a little money. She had always loved her goats. She had three nanny goats. She used them for milk and would make cheese.

Now that her husband had passed away, she could ill-afford to keep them; until she came up with her wonderful idea: she would sell the milk! She placed a sign at her gate: FRESH GOAT’S MILK! The milk was very popular, so much so, that Granny Brown wondered if she shouldn’t get another goat. She decided against it. Selling goat’s milk at the gate was so she could keep the three goats she already had and loved. There was no need to be greedy.

In the meantime, the Right Honourable Mr Stanislaus McCready, Member of Parliament for West Shaffton, introduced a bill into Parliament. We really must stop this unhealthy sale of goat’s milk on the road side. The milk has not been treated. Goodness knows what diseases are been passed on to the general population. The selling of goat’s milk at gates became illegal.

Granny Brown had to stop her sales. She could no longer afford to keep her beloved goats. In the new year, the Right Honourable Mr Stanislaus McCready, Member of Parliament for West Shaffton, was given the country’s highest award. He was now a Member of the Imperial Empire’s Brigade (MIEB) for services to the health of the nation. He had served the nation with his altruistic actions.

Not long after, the Right Honourable Mr Stanislaus McCready, Member of Parliament for West Shaffton, announced his retirement from politics. He owned a large goat farm and cheese-making factory, he said, and wished to put all his energies into developing that.

283. Kids III

283kids

Raelyn had a baby pet goat. She called it Annabelle. It was white. How she loved it! She even tried bringing it inside to watch television, until her mother put a stop to it because of all the little goat droppings.

Annabelle had to stay outside.

One day, Raelyn was at school playing with her friends, when who should appear but Annabelle! Annabelle had broken away from her chain, and run all the way to school.

It made the children laugh and play,
laugh and play,
laugh and play,
It made the children laugh and play
to see a goat at school!

Raelyn didn’t know what to do, or where to hide it. When play time finished, she hid Annabelle under her desk. Annabelle sat there quietly the whole time until it was time to go home. All the children were very excited. Raelyn was scared the teacher would see it, but she didn’t.

At the end of the day, all that the teacher said was, “All you kids can go home now!”

Thank goodness the teacher never found out, otherwise Raelyn would have got into big trouble.

282. Kids II

282kids

Little Eddie had a baby goat. It was brown. He called it Ramshackle. Eddie’s mother wondered where he got the name from.

“Where on earth did you dig up a name like that?” she said.

Eddie was the youngest in the family, by far. All his brothers and sisters had grown up and left home. Eddie had appeared unexpectedly and miles down the track. There was just him and his Mum and Dad, and Ramshackle. They lived way in the middle of nowhere, so Eddie didn’t have anyone to play with.

Eddie and Ramshackle did everything together before and after school. They would walk the long, long drive to check what the postman had left in the box. They would play on the lawn, and Ramshackle would jump and butt but never hurt a fly.

Eddie’s Dad helped Eddie build a goat house, because goats don’t like rain. “You’re a wimp,” said Eddie.

One morning, Ramshackle wasn’t there. There was a note on his house that read, “Thanks for the curry ha ha ha.” His father saw the note before Eddie got to it and took it away. Eddie searched and searched for Ramshackle and couldn’t find him.

His Dad didn’t know what to do. He sat Eddie on his knee and told him the truth.

For his next birthday, Eddie was taken to the Animal Shelter, and he was allowed to choose whatever puppy he wanted.

281. Kids I

281kids

Young Liam had a pet baby goat. It was black and white. It was already growing horns.

“What are you going to call it?” asked his parents.

“I’m going to call it Horny,” said Liam.

“Don’t you think Billy would be a better name?” suggested Mum.

“What about Gruff?” suggested Dad. “After the Billy Goats Gruff?”

“No,” said Liam. “It’s Horny.”

One can, in a story such as this, expect the inevitable to happen. It was the little rural school’s Pet Day. Everyone brought a pet. Liam brought his goat.

There wasn’t one pet that didn’t get a ribbon. Every pet was special. But it was Liam and his goat that got the supreme ribbon; and a bright blue collar.

“And what’s your goat called?” asked the headmaster into the microphone.

“My parents wanted me to call it Billy, but I call it Horny,” answered Liam.

All the Mums and Dads gave Liam and his goat a hearty joyful cheer. It was followed by the merriest of picnic lunches on the lawn. For Liam it was the jolliest lunch ever, ever, ever. Everyone, just everyone, all the Mums and Dads, loved his little goat and knew its name.