2314. Granny Hoppy

Granny Hoppy was called Granny Hoppy by her seventeen grandchildren because she had a cat with only three legs. It identified her from the other grannies who were known as Granny Mary or Granny Thelma or whatever because those were their names.

Of course every Christmas Granny Hoppy would get a little gift from each grandchild. Usually it was something small or something homemade. For example, granddaughter Heather had knitted her a little woollen thing that went over the back of an armchair when you rested your head. Grandson Miles had given her a little ceramic deer from a second hand shop.

Each Christmas Granny Hoppy would make a list as to who gave what. If she didn’t make a list she would get confused because the minute a family of grandchildren arrived she would get out the gifts that had been specifically given by those grandchildren. There were far too many gifts to have them all out at once. So the ones in use were the ones from whoever was visiting her. Quite often a grandchild would say, “Granny Hoppy you’re using the present I gave you!”

The system worked well enough, and it kept Granny Hoppy “on her toes” as she liked to say.

Next week it’s Granny Hoppy’s seventieth birthday. They’ll all be there…

1865. Early shopping

(Dear Faithful and truly-tried Readers – sometimes it’s rainy and dull outside (it is winter here) and blogging takes on the flavour of the weather. So since I’m twiddling my thumbs I thought I’d go silly for a time – which is why my nomenclature on this blog is now Cloven Ruminant. (You can still call me Bruce – and anyway, Cloven Ruminant is better than Split-hoofed Cud-chewer). Quite a number of excellent bloggers are configured in a pseudonym so I thought I’d do the same and free myself from the shackles of expectation. Those shackles of expectation can at times be nullifying to ones creativity, so I’m breaking free! One never knows what riff-raff the cat might drag in when using another name. Incidentally, the goat gravatar is not a selfie but a picture of Billy my Goat. I’m younger and more beautiful. Anyway, here’s today’s story. Thanks – Cloven Ruminant).

Goodness! It was only July and already Malvina had finished her Christmas shopping. She had six children, five in-laws, and seventeen grandchildren. It was so much cheaper to buy suitable gifts throughout the year. Not only might they not be available closer to Christmas, but sometimes during the year things were on sale. Given the large number she had to buy for, every little saving was a great relief for Malvina.

As each gift was purchased, Malvina would wrap it carefully in Christmas paper and pencil the name of the person-to-receive. One year she had attached little cards to the gifts with the person’s name, but by the time Christmas arrived some of the cards had fallen off and she had to open the gifts to see who should get what. These days, as it neared Christmas, she would attach name cards.

And so it was! Here it was in July and already the Christmas shopping was done, the gifts were wrapped and well-hidden in a suitcase at the back of her bedroom closet. She had to hide things particularly well because all seventeen grandchildren were budding sleuths. So far, thankfully, they had never ventured into her bedroom closet.

Goodness! It was only September and already Malvina had finished her Christmas shopping. She had six children, five in-laws, and seventeen grandchildren. It was so much cheaper to buy suitable gifts throughout the year. Not only might they not be available closer to Christmas, but sometimes during the year things were on sale. Given the large number she had to buy for, every little saving was a great relief for Malvina.

Goodness! It was nearly Christmas and Malvina hadn’t even started her Christmas shopping. Usually she shopped for gifts throughout the year, but this year the time had flown. “I don’t know where the time goes to,” she said. She thought she had bought some gifts earlier, but she couldn’t find them. Usually she hid the gifts in a box in the cupboard in her garage but there was nothing there. How the years melded into one another. She must have shopped for the previous year!

1439. An engagement party

Herbert and his daughter Dolly were on to a good thing. Dolly was rather photogenic and would post her voluptuousicity on the dating pages of the internet. Some handsome lawyer would soon fall for her, and shower her with requests. Dolly always insisted on gifts sent by some online company or other. There were lots of online catalogues to choose from.

As things went further down the track, they would arrange to meet. The gifts continued of course. That is when Dolly’s father, Herbert, stepped in. No way could they meet with his daughter, he angrily texted. There was to be no further communication.

So far, Dolly has been proposed to forty-two times. Usually she sells the gifts on.

807. Buy now!

Shall we simply say that Patsy’s daughter-in-law, Trixie, had… different tastes? It meant that Patsy had a difficult time buying Christmas gifts for her two small granddaughters. She could never gauge the… different tastes of her granddaughters’ wretched mother.

Patsy was in Rome! She would buy the little girls the cutest and most fashionable Italian outfits! No one could argue with Italian fashion. And the little girls were so vain; five-and-seven-years-old-going-on-sixteen. Patsy purchased two adorable, and not inexpensive, getups.

Christmas came! The little girls loved them! Oh grandmother! How did you know? Thank you!

But now it was the day after Christmas. There for sale online were the two outfits – bidding to start at two dollars, or a “Buy now” for ten dollars. And the seller? Trixie.

Patsy saw red. She purchased them immediately. She sent a friend to pick them up. She immediately placed them for sale online. She sold them for nine times the price.

The next time she saw her granddaughters, Patsy noticed they were wearing identical fashionable outfits from Rome.

“I bought them online,” said Trixie. “They’re Italian. Aren’t they cute?”

For once, Patsy had to admit that she and her daughter-in-law agreed on taste.

To listen to the story being read click HERE!

806. Christmas gifts

Samantha wasn’t rich, but she was comfortable enough. She wasn’t that popular either. She had a few friends, but they weren’t deep friends, more acquaintances. They were enough company. She liked her own space.

She had a brother who had a family and lived somewhere way over in another place. They phoned each other for Christmas and birthdays. That was always nice. These days, Samantha was retired. She lived alone.

Christmas wasn’t a problem, but she was always a little disappointed that she didn’t get any gifts. She came up with a plan.

Quite frankly, her kitchenware was getting tatty. She needed a new colander, and new wooden spoons. The can opener was passed it, as was the corkscrew. The pots had seen better days. The oven cloth was burned in patches. The tea-towels were stained and faded.

Giving money to an acquaintance who loved shopping, she ordered all these things. “And wrap them up in Christmas paper,” said Samantha.

The gift parcels arrived! Samantha placed them under her Christmas tree.

Christmas morning dawned! Samantha brewed some coffee and toasted some crumpets. They were dripping with wonderful butter!

She sat in an armchair and opened her gifts one by one.

Her gifts were a delight!

Happy Christmas!

To listen to the story being read click HERE!