Tag Archives: garlic

1843. Hearty food

Dean’s doctor told him to start eating healthy. He searched online for healthy foods. There were links to different foods that said “Eat these for a healthy heart”. Dean clicked on them, link after link. It took a good half an hour to download all the pages each with a different healthy food.

The following, in this order, were good for the heart:

Oranges, kale, garlic, red wine, chocolate, sardines, lentils, almonds, pomegranates, blueberries, beets, salmon, turmeric, chia seeds, apples, avocados, eggplant, broccoli, carrots, chicken, chickpeas, coffee, cranberries, figs, flax seeds, red hot chilli peppers, ginger, grapefruit, green tea, kidney beans, kiwi fruit, mackerel, cashew nuts, oatmeal, pears…

Dean tried them all, one after the other, and it made no difference. He was still hungry. Health food doesn’t fill you up.

He finished off with a big slice of cream sponge cake and at last was satisfied.

1003. Garlic

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Well sometimes, you know, it’s very hard to know what to do – what the right thing is to do. Marjory has bad breath. Everyone in the office knows that Marjory has bad breath but no one wants to tell her.

So I took the bull by the horns and told her. “Marjory,” I said, “do you realize that you have bad breath?” And she said, “Oh, it’s garlic.” And I said, “Well it can’t be garlic. You always have bad breath, and you wouldn’t have bad breath all the time unless you ate garlic all the time.”

So she rushed off to the ladies’ room and said she never wants to speak to me again and that’s where she is now. And quite frankly I don’t know what to do because it’s nearly time to go home and I always get a ride home in Marjory’s car. So if she’s going to pout I’ll just have to take the bus.

I mean someone had to tell her.

Here she comes now. Stinky breath. Stinky breath. Hey-ho. Stinky breath.

Oooooh! You won’t have heard her, but she just walked straight past me and said “Fat bitch” right in my face and breathed on me.

I hate it when the boss carries on like that.