2215. Wonderful chicken

(The final day, Day 7 of a week of retelling traditional folktales.)

A woman gave birth to a chicken. One day the chicken spread a cloth on the ground and it turned into a palace and the chicken changed into a beautiful princess.

A prince fell in love with the princess, and when that happened the palace changed back into a cloth and the princess back into a chicken.

The prince took the chicken and made a nest for it next to his bed. When the chicken once again changed into a princess, the prince gathered the feathers and threw them into the fire. The spell was broken.

And they all lived happily ever after.

2213. Twins

(Day 6 of a week of retelling traditional folktales.)

A childless queen was told by a wise old lady that two flowers would grow from underneath her bed.

“Eat one and you shall have a child.”

The queen ate both and bore twin girls. One girl was very beautiful; the other was ugly as sin and rode a goat while waving a wooden spoon. A witch came along and cut off the head of the beautiful twin and replaced the head with a calf’s head. The twins searched the world for the beautiful head and they eventually found it. The girl put her beautiful head back on and the twins escaped to a foreign kingdom.

The king of the kingdom fell in love with the beautiful twin. But the ugly twin would not consent to the marriage unless she herself married the king’s son. The king consented. On the way to the wedding the king’s son was sullen.

The ugly twin said, “Why are you so sullen? Why don’t you ask why I ride a goat?” He asked and the goat turned into a magnificent horse.

The ugly twin asked, “Why don’t you ask why I wave a wooden spoon?” He asked and the wooden spoon turned into a silver wand.

The ugly twin asked, “Why don’t you ask why I am so ugly?” He asked and she was ugly no more. In fact she was the most beautiful princess in the whole, whole world.

(Footnote: Awww).

2212. Struck by lightning

(Day 5 of a week of retelling traditional folktales.)

Suziebelle had a lover. He was a frequent visitor. Suziebelle’s husband grew suspicious. When confronted Suziebelle naturally denied it.

“There is only one thing for it,” said the husband. “You must swear an oath that you have always been faithful.”

There was a place of pilgrimage where people swore such oaths. If they were deceitful they were struck dead by lightning.

Suziebelle and her husband travelled there. They hired a donkey off Suziebelle’s lover. He led the donkey and showed them the way.

When halfway there, Suziebelle fell off the donkey, and was seen by the husband and the donkey owner to be wearing nothing beneath her skirt.

At the place of pilgrimage, Suziebelle swore that only her husband and the donkey owner had seen her nakedness.

She was spared the lightning.

2211. Two rings and a fish

(Day 4 of a week of retelling traditional folktales.)

Flora and Fiona were twins. They both fancied the Handsome Prince. The Handsome Prince felt hounded. They were stalking him.

The Prince came up with an idea (which could be construed as being unusual). He threw two gold rings into the sea.

“The first to find one of the rings I will marry and she will become a princess.”

A commotion followed the announcement. Flora and Fiona practically drowned each other in their hurry to get into the ocean. No ring was found.

“Perhaps a fish swallowed the rings,” suggested the Prince. “A holy mackerel if I’m not mistaken. Or perhaps a big mouthed bass.”

Out came the fishing rods. Months of intense fishing followed. Suddenly…

Fiona caught a fish. It was a mackerel. It was the biggest mackerel the world had ever seen. Fiona was excited. The Handsome Prince was worried.

The fish was opened. Behold!

Just fish guts.

2208. The husband and lover

(This is the first of a week’s worth of re-telling traditional folktales. The folktales retold this week are possibly not overly well-known – perhaps for a reason.)

Theodora was having an affair. Her lover was still in the house when she heard her husband arrive home. She hid her lover behind the door.

“Husband dear,” said Theodora, “I have the most wonderful news. The hawks have been frightening your chickens, but I have discovered how to put an end to it. I have a chant to recite, and while I chant you must put your head in a bucket.”

With that, Theodora put a bucket over her husband’s head and recited a nonsensical chant.

The lover escaped from behind the door.

The hawks still hassled the chickens.

Music 401: Little Red Riding Hood

Here is a piece of Dance Theatre – possibly for Christmas but not necessarily. It has 19 dances that tell the (fairly) traditional story of Little Red Riding Hood. In all probability it will never get done as these days the plot is regarded by some as sexist. However I present it in the hope that it might get performed in a less enlightened age.

The work has elements that rile many a purist. For example, there are bits of Ballet, bits of Contemporary Dance, bits of Ballroom Dance, bits of Folk Dance, and bits of Pantomime.

At present the music score is for piano only. I thought initially I would orchestrate it, but it is time consuming for something that may never be performed. So if anyone wants it orchestrated they can ask me or do it themselves! My music composing software is so old and the notation so small by the time I put all the instruments of an orchestra on a page that I can’t see it any more!

This posting is simply a link to a separate webpage that gives the plot, and audios and sheet music of the 19 dances. I’m not expecting people to listen to all 19! A performance would take about 3/4s of an hour.

Thanks! Here is the link: HERE!

1699. Let’s talk turkey

(Today’s story is the final in a trilogy of absurd yarns.)

A peasant woman was in need of a turkey for Christmas, so she went to the queen and said if you give me your Christmas turkey I’ll teach it to talk, and that way it will entertain the court before it gets its head cut off and put in the oven.

The queen thought it an excellent idea. It would make a delightful change from the annual humdrum things they do every Christmas. But please, the queen added, don’t teach it to speak in that horrid peasant’s accent. Try and give it some class.

A while later the peasant woman informed the queen that the turkey could speak, and with the most delightful middle to upper class accent. The trouble is however, said the peasant woman, the only sentence the turkey knows is “The queen is having a torrid extramarital affair.”

“Off with its head!” screamed the queen. “Off with its head! I don’t want that horrid creature dead or alive anywhere near the palace.”

Enjoy!

1389. The beggar’s gift

Once there was, and twice there wasn’t, a poor beggar who had spent years meticulously making a cossatactilass. It was huge! The beggar had spent at least two hours a day making it. Multiply that with 365 days in a year and again with the number of years and you’ll see just how many hours went in to the making of it.

Of course, it was priceless so the beggar couldn’t sell it. He decided to make a donation of it and give it to the king.

The king was over the moon. “This is extraordinary!” declared the king. “Not only am I king but I must be the only king in the world who owns such a valuable cossatactilass.”

The king rewarded the beggar with bags and bags of gold and lots of other valuable things as well.

It so happened that the king’s generosity towards the beggar was noticed by an extremely rich duke. Casting all prudence aside, the duke donated his entire wealth to the king in the hope of receiving in return things at least double the value. The king gave the rich duke the cossatactilass. The duke was furious.

“Is this all I get? Just a useless piece of junk? How come you gave that beggar all those riches in return for this piece of junk? My gifts to you were worth a lot more, and I should have been rewarded by you in a far heftier manner.”

“Aha,” said the king. “Your gift to me was motivated by greed, whereas the beggar’s gift was motivated by affection. So you can suck eggs, duke.”

To make his point, the king whipped the dukedom off the duke and gave it to the beggar. Still later, the beggar married the daughter, an only child, of the king. The beggar eventually became the king himself, and the first thing he did was to have the ex-duke’s head cut off.

Everyone else lived happily ever after.