Tag Archives: feet

1602. Cosy slippers

Granny Sugden’s house may have been warm and cosy, but she always had cold feet. She would put several socks on and slip her socked feet into fluffy slippers as she sat in her arm chair to watch television. All to no avail. Her feet stayed cold, and that was that. The only time she had warm feet was in the shower.

Granny Sugden’s granddaughter had a brainwave; she would buy a pair of those heated house slippers that plug in. Sort of like an electric blanket only in the shape of slippers, both slippers joined by a safe electric wire. That way Granny could watch television with her feet cosily tucked away.

The granddaughter found a pink pair. Happy Birthday Granny! She opened her parcel and was… delighted. Thrilled! Of course, there was no electric plug near her armchair, but the problem was solved with an extension cord. Just the bee’s knees, said Granny. Just the cat’s pyjamas! Just what the doctor ordered! Her granddaughter left to go home, with Granny sitting in her armchair as content as could be. She would have purred if she had been a cat.

An hour or two later the granddaughter thought she would check to see how things were going. She phoned. Granny leaped out of her chair and went to dash to the sideboard to get the ringing phone. She forgot that her slippers were wired up together. She tripped and hit her head on the coffee table.

Granny Sugden never had to worry about cold feet ever again.

1180. The case of the missing…

Charles hadn’t seen his penis for about sixteen years. Mind you, nor had anyone else. His paunch so hung that he could neither glance down nor bend over far enough. It wasn’t like that for his feet. He occasionally saw them. For example, if he put them on a chair one at a time to cut his nails or tie up his shoe laces he had a reasonable view of his phalanges. Not so the other aforementioned appendage.

It therefore came as a devastating shock to him one day when he couldn’t find it. It filled him with consternation. It had disappeared. He thought he’d better try and read about it before he saw a doctor, but there seemed no literature; neither online nor in the local library.

Full of foreboding he made an appointment with the doctor. She was of no help. She simply laughed and said it was much ado about nothing. What a bafflement! Much ado about nothing my foot.

And then it dawned on him. If he couldn’t see it, then possibly nor would he have seen a thief. It had been stolen.

(Not to be continued).