Tag Archives: fairy story

1858. Jack the giant killer

Jack the Giant Killer is an English fairy tale and legend about a young adult who slays a number of bad giants during King Arthur’s reign. The tale is characterised by violence, gore and blood-letting. Giants are prominent in Cornish folklore, Breton mythology and Welsh Bardic lore. Some parallels to elements and incidents in Norse mythology have been detected in the tale, and the trappings of Jack’s last adventure with the Giant Galigantus suggest parallels with French and Breton fairy tales such as Bluebeard. Jack’s belt is similar to the belt in The Valiant Little Tailor, and his magical sword, shoes, cap, and cloak are similar to those owned by Tom Thumb or those found in Welsh and Norse mythology.

Jack and his tale are rarely referenced in English literature prior to the eighteenth century (there is an allusion to Jack the Giant Killer in Shakespeare’s King Lear, where in Act 3, one character, Edgar, in his feigned madness, cries, “Fie, foh, and fum,/ I smell the blood of a British man”). Jack’s story did not appear in print until 1711. It is probably an enterprising publisher assembled a number of anecdotes about giants to form the 1711 tale. One scholar speculates the public had grown weary of King Arthur – the greatest of all giant killers – and Jack was created to fill his shoes. Henry Fielding, John Newbery, Samuel Johnson, Boswell, and William Cowper were familiar with the tale.

“Mummy, could you just get on with reading the story?”

1572. Zach and the mean stork

(The closing sentence for this story was suggested by Chelsea’s son (one of them). Chelsea’s blog is here. Note: I’m not sure in which countries “Ball” rhymes with “Mall” but it does in mine! Hence this story!)

It all started when Cinderella’s two ugly sisters we invited to the mall by the local handsome prince, Zach. Cinderella wanted to go to the mall too but had nothing sloppy enough to wear.

“Oh how I wish I could go to the mall with my two ugly sisters,” sighed Cinderella. “That way I might meet Prince Zach and we’d get married.”

The next thing, Cinderella’s Hairy Godmother appeared from nowhere. She had a magic wand.

“Come with me, Cindy,” said the Hairy Godmother. Together they went to the mall. Cinderella’s two ugly sisters were there messing around with Prince Zach. The Hairy Godmother waved her magic wand and EUREKA! the two ugly sisters were turned into birds. One was turned into a stork and the other into a hyena. (A hyena is not a bird but the Hairy Godmother had brought only her second-best wand).

The stork started to peck poor Cinderella. Peck! Peck! Peck! What a Neanderthal!

“Help! Help!” cried Cinderella. “I’m getting pecked to bits!”

Prince Zach came to Cinderella’s rescue.

“Don’t be such a mean stork,” said Prince Zach.

So that is the story of Zach and the Mean Stork. Well, it’s not quite the full story. Prince Zach and Cinderella fell in love and… I’m not telling what happened next because I don’t want to spill the beans (or even to throw them out the window) but there was a wedding…

And they all lived happily ever laughter.

1472. A traditional fairy story

For once, a traditional fairy story…

Once upon a time, a long, long time ago, a king and queen ruled over a distant land. The queen was kind and lovely and all the people of the kingdom adored her. The only sadness in the queen’s life was that she wished for a child but did not have one.

One winter’s day, the queen was sewing an apron to sell to raise money for the local school. She gazed out the ebony window at new fallen snow. She pricked her finger. A single drop of blood fell on the snow. As she looked at the blood on the snow she said, “How I wish I would have a daughter with skin as white as snow, lips as red as blood, and hair as black as ebony.”

Well quite frankly if that’s what she wanted she shouldn’t have married a king from the Highlands of Papua New Guinea.

1267. Sleeping Beauty

So, Sleeping Beauty had a bit of apple stuck in her throat and she had fallen asleep and everything had grown rampant over her castle and ninety years later a macho handsome prince came along with a machete and knocked back the vegetation then kissed the princess who woke up. It was ninety years later silly.

She was all wrinkled and looked like death warmed up.

1236. Goldilocks the Prowler

It was getting to be a bit of a habit. Goldilocks, in retrospect, had so enjoyed invading the house of the Three Bears, that visiting people’s houses when they weren’t home was becoming a bit of a habit. She’d visited the homes of the Three Raccoons, the Three Prairie Chickens, and the Three Coyotes. Next on the list was the house of the Three Beavers.

Goldilocks the Prowler had to put on her swimming trunks to visit the Beavers because they had built their house on the water in the river. But it was no trouble. Goldilocks knocked on their door and of course, as she had suspected, they weren’t home. Goldilocks entered uninvited.

First she sat in the chairs. Then she ate some porridge. Then she went to sleep in one of the beds. While she was asleep a storm swept through. The river flooded, and Goldilocks drowned.

What a silly girl!

890. Happily ever after

902canary

The really horrible witch turned herself into a beautiful damsel about to be eaten by a wicked dragon. A handsome prince, called Prince Bogdan, came along and rescued her. They fell in love and got married and had five children. Then they got sick of each other and divorced.

The really horrible witch then turned herself into a beautiful sleeping princess who could only be woken by the kiss of a prince. Prince Bogdan came along and kissed her. They fell in love and got married and had five more children. Then they got sick of each other and divorced.

The really horrible witch then turned herself into a beautiful singing canary in a golden cage that would turn into a dazzling woman when released from the cage. By now, after marrying the witch twice and having ten kids, Prince Bogdan was onto it. He thought he would leave the canary in the cage. It would starve to death and the witch would learn a jolly good lesson. So the canary died.

But the witch was even more cunning than Prince Bogdan. She hadn’t turned herself into a canary at all, but was hiding in a cupboard. She came out of the cupboard disguised as a voluptuous lady of the evening, called Evening Primrose, and Prince Bogdan fell in love with her and they got married and had yet another five bloody kids. But Evening Primrose had run out of magic and stayed on as the voluptuous lady of the evening. Every day she had to cook for fifteen kids and stand at the sink and do the dishes. She was very fulfilled, and they lived happily ever after.

820. Bluebeard

820bluebeard

When Bluebeard married for the last time, he gave his bride a set of keys and then he left the castle on some important mission.

“In my absence use the keys to go into any and every room of the castle,” said Bluebeard. “Enjoy every treasure the castle has to offer. But do not use the key that opens the lowest cellar door.”

Of course, Bluebeard’s wife couldn’t resist. She used the forbidden key. She entered the forbidden room. There was nothing there. It was empty.

Bluebeard suddenly appeared.

“Thank goodness!” he said. “I’m so glad you’re not a goody-two-shoes, but can think for yourself.”

Bluebeard and Blossom, for that was her name, lived happily for many, many years. In fact, one could almost say that Blossom wore the trousers. For starters, she made her husband shave off his cobalt beard.