Tag Archives: exercise

1481. Late Uncle Vegetarian Dumpling

Brandon Branson was living proof that eating healthily wasn’t necessarily the healthy thing to do. In fact he wasn’t living proof at all. He was dead as a doornail.

Brandon had eaten healthy food since his teenage years. He’d meticulously read the list of ingredients on the back of every food package. He’d carefully counted the calorie intake daily. And then WHAM BANG! He dropped dead instantaneously at the kitchen bench while dicing a raw carrot.

This is proof, declared his niece Sonja who owned a confectionary operative, that healthy eating is a marketing ploy by the companies that monopolize the food industry. You can see why us nieces and nephews referred to him as Uncle Vegetarian Dumpling.

It goes to show, said Raewyn the President of the Big-boned Ladies Collective, that being skinny has few advantages. Brandon may have eaten healthy food but without a doubt he was never happy.

His death pulls the mat out from under the burnt-out trendy lefties who think we should all live miserable lives, said Norm Gladworthy the founder of the Fat Earth Society. I’m rather glad he died. It shows the falsehood perpetuated by head-in-the-sand trendy trendies and all those who belong to the Green Party. He exercised every day as well I’m told, and look at him now. There’s not a movement in his cold corpse. A fat lot of use it was living all that apparent fine fettle fiasco.

Dorothy McKenzie was a lone voice supporting Brandon Branson’s healthy lifestyle. He may be dead, she said, but surely he led a happy and productive life throughout his ninety-seven years.

1474. Nibbles

I’d like to thank Gladys Styvenberg for initiating the weekly exercise class for us oldies. We had the first of the weekly sessions this morning, taken by Anita Bromich. Anita is wonderful. She understands that us oldies can’t exactly do star jumps at our age, but she takes us through exercising the bits of us that are still functional! Wonderful! I felt quite uplifted after the session was over, although a little puffed. It is going to do all of us good, and I have no doubt it will prolong our well-being and happiness.

Of course, it’s also the sense of community that such a thing instils. We’re all in the same boat together; all waving our arms in the air at the same time! And trying to keep in time to the music! In fact, I became a little giggly; it was so enjoyable as well as being healthy and challenging.

I’d also like to thank Mary Bradsbury for the wonderful chocolate cake she shared with all of us at the close of the session along with the cup of tea or coffee. And Colleen McCumiskey’s irresistible pastries! Colleen’s pastries are always popular at gatherings. I brought along some water chestnuts wrapped in bacon. They’re always a treat.

So thank you once again Gladys and Anita for settling us firmly on the road to a healthier community-driven lifestyle. Now to work out what nibbles to take next week.

1451. Burning off the fat

Alice had been convinced by her husband to get more exercise. They were both at that stage of life when waistlines began to get a little more prodigious. Going for a regular run would burn off the fat.

Alice had to admit that she was feeling much better, apart from looking trimmer than she had for years. The daily run, once the initial sore muscles phase had been conquered, was a pleasure; almost an addiction. She no longer felt tired. She no longer felt useless. Energy poured out of her in droves. At least it did until she was out on a run and got hit by a bus.