1743. Life on Earth

Shirley and Winsbury Spark were among the twenty-four Earthling couples selected to populate the recently discovered exoplanet that Earthling Scientists had dubbed Planet Hillda – because it was hilly. It was lush with vegetation and animal life, although not a plant nor animal bore any resemblance to anything on Earth. Gravity and the ratio of atmosphere gases were also much the same as on Earth.

The hardest thing to adapt to was the fact that a day was only twenty-two and a quarter hours. Shirley and Winsbury tried dividing the day into twenty-four equal parts, with sixty shortened minutes each with sixty shortened seconds. The year was also shorter so that caused confusion as to when to celebrate Christmas and Easter and Independence Day and other important dates.

Thank goodness sponsors on Earth were able to send a few frozen turkeys over with a supply of pumpkins and cranberries so that Thanksgiving might be celebrated properly. They were promised fertile turkey eggs once an incubator had been set up, so frozen turkey wouldn’t be on the list the following year.

There were other wildlife that arrived from Earth in dribs and drabs; horses, sheep, cattle, goats, and chickens. In order for these introduced creatures to survive, the blood-thirsty Gronberger, a native creature of the planet, had to be wiped out, along with a good number of other species.

Shirley’s pride and joy was her vegetable garden. So far it had produced carrots, Swiss chard, and radishes. It was hoped to provide more variety once further seeds had arrived from earth.

All in all it was a promising start to life on Planet Hillda. Winsbury predicted that within a generation life should be pretty much like on Planet Earth. But, added Shirley, if you come you have to be adaptable. No good coming here and thinking that Earth can’t be successfully replicated.

1729. Unwanted guests

My name is Farmer McGregor. Some of you might know me from my appearance in Beatrix Potter’s The Tale of Peter Rabbit. I want to tell you of something rather strange that happened to me a few weeks back.

I’ve had a terrible time with rabbits in my garden. Contrary to popular belief, rabbits don’t like lettuce very much. They go first for most other things in my garden. They even dig up some root vegetables to nibble on. So I was sitting outside my garden shed with a loaded gun waiting for a rabbit to make an imprudent appearance.

Suddenly a man appeared. He said “Excuse me” and then introduced himself as Jack Smith. I could tell he was in disguise. His voice sounded like a computer. I could see through an open shirt button that it didn’t look like human skin, and when I noticed his hands I could tell they were some sort of artificial material.

“Excuse me,” he said again. “I wondered if I might get a collection of seeds from your lovely garden.”

“I can tell you are an alien from another planet,” I said. (I always call a spade a spade). “You are in disguise. What do you want the seeds for?”

“Yes, you are correct,” intoned the man. “I am from an exoplanet and wish to collect some earth seeds.”

“You want to take over our planet,” I said. With that I raised my rabbit gun and shot him dead. Bang! The man was a crumpled pile at my feet. I had saved Planet Earth.

When I went to investigate the body there was nothing there. There was simply a pile of clothes with nothing inside.

The next morning when I went out to my garden there was not a seed head in sight. The garden was stripped. Since then everything has shrivelled up and died. I had done my best, but our human species is gravely threatened by this war-hungry class of vicious aliens.

1164. An alien relic

Word had reached Planet Earth long before the return of the spacecraft that had visited a “neighbouring” planet: earthlings had captured three aliens and were bringing them back to Earth. The world waited in a state of huge agog-ness. It had been a three year wait.

The aliens were not regarded as being particularly clever. In fact, there was some discussion as to whether or not they were intelligent beings; perhaps more like creatures with the brain of a parrot. Once they had arrived on earth they would be toured around a bit to be viewed by the gawking multitudes before being put down and stuffed for perpetuity by eminent taxidermists.

And then disaster struck. The returning spacecraft crashed. It was a gigantic ball of flame on the cricket field where it was to land. No passenger survived – no human, no alien. The only alien fragment salvaged was a finger. It was a most unusual finger, and charred, but it took pride of place in the interactive National Museum. Crowds flocked.

It wasn’t until several decades later, when a second batch of aliens arrived, that the ogling humans realized it can’t be a finger. Those aliens had no hands.