2722. The call of nature

What a schemozzles! Prince Athol had organized a ball – single people only – to celebrate his father’s coronation. Of course Prince Athol was single himself. He was still looking.

An example of the excitement would be Daisy Dixon. She had already changed her mind about what to wear four times. Arnie Hammersmith was less enthusiastic. Unlike the single women with their eyes on a duke there were to be no princesses to impress, but he did have his eyes on Daisy Dixon. In fact, Arnie knew he would one day win Daisy’s heart.

The ball began. How exciting! Arnie Hammersmith was about to ask Daisy Dixon for a dance when Prince Athol stepped in. The prince and Daisy danced waltz after waltz. It was very difficult for the aspirations of the other single women. It was difficult too for Arnie to watch. His resentment grew with every step the cavorting couple took.

Arnie’s moment came. The prince disappeared – it seems for a brief bathroom visit. He never returned. It was Arnie who found the prince stabbed at the urinal.

2651. At a wedding reception

Look at all these people strutting around like they own the place. That woman over there, dancing on her own. I can quite see why. She can’t move with grace. She can’t dress with grace. Clearly she’s on a diet of fat.

And look at that man in that corner. He has one thing on his mind. I can tell. He’s been smooching that woman for half an hour now. And before that he was smooching someone else.

Half those girls over there look like they’re wearing petticoats on top of a dress. It looks disgusting. I suppose it’s the fashion. I would imagine they’re the type of loose women who dye their hair fluorescent blue and have piercings and tattoos all over the place.

And see that man wearing jeans at a formal occasion. He can’t dance either. He looks like he’s got the shakes or something. As for the bride and groom. Really! She looks like they might use her as a sandbag in the event of a flood. I can see why the groom is casting his eye hither and thither around the room. Mind you, his father is not much better. I hear he’s a bit of a lecherous rake.

Oh! I wish someone would ask me for a dance. I have no idea why no one seems to like me.

2594. Scrawny little twerp

James was at high school and didn’t have a girlfriend as such. All the others seemed to have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Maybe not all; Cora Jones didn’t seem to have a boyfriend and she was the one that James liked the most. With the school dance coming up he had to invite someone but he was too scared to ask Cora in case she said no. So he put it off.

Then with just two days left to go he had to ask someone. He just had to. He hated the thought. He’d rather have a Chemistry test and he hated Chemistry. There was no way out. He had to; he just had to; had to; had to.

Going up to Cora Jones he asked her point blank if she would like to go with him to the dance.

“Who do you think I am, you scrawny little twerp?” said Cora. “Don’t you know I’m going with Nigel Wolland? At least he’s got a personality; and looks. And at least he’s partially co-ordinated enough to dance. So no. Bad luck, loser.”

James went home and the next three days he called in sick. He was glad Cora Jones said no. Imagine having to go out with someone like her. He didn’t go to the dance. He stayed home and watched television.

2470. Full moon

It was a full moon. Quite frankly, Charlie was sick to death of turning into a werewolf every full moon. Why can’t he live a normal live like everyone else? This month the full moon clashed with the date of the annual school dance. He rather fancied Betsy-Anne and had already invited her before he realized the clash of dates.

I mean, he couldn’t help it. The sun would go down; the moon would rise; Charlie would turn into a werewolf and pad off into the night.

“Blow it,” he thought. “I’m going to the dance with Betsy-Anne. I’ll tell her beforehand what will happen and she can dump me if she likes.”

Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Betsy-Anne said she didn’t mind. And when the moon rose (to be rather ruthless about it) Betsy-Anne thought he looked rather sexy. They danced! Did they dance? They danced the night away. Midnight came sooner than they thought possible.

On the stroke of twelve Betsy-Anne leapt out of Charlie’s arms and dashed outside into her waiting coach. A glass slipper was all she left behind.

2293. Dance the night away

The music was slowing, the song was almost over, but we couldn’t stop dancing. And what a brilliant dancer he was! This was our first dance together and we clicked immediately.

Then came a second song! A second dance! Had heaven happened all at once? And then a third. And a fourth. If Vera Lynn was about she would have sung about a nightingale in Berkeley Square. If David Bowie was there he would have performed his entire Let’s Dance album. My heart was on fire!

Eventually we stopped dancing and he asked if I would like lemonade or something. So we sat on chairs at the side of the dance floor and enjoyed lemonade. The next thing this woman came up and said, “Okay dear, we’d better get going. We’ve only got the baby-sitter until 10.30.”

Music 356-361: Six Dances from the Afterlife

Hi Everyone

Here are some dances for the piano called Six Dances from the Afterlife in honour of Halloween! (The computer is playing them as my mic is broken – so even though the electronic piano sounds a bit tinny it’s probably better than my piano playing these days!)

I had set out inspired by Bach’s various suites, but by the time there was a sort of Allemande, Courante, Sarabande and Minuet completed, the Air and Gig got thrown out the window in favour of a kind of Two-step for Two and one called Kick Off Your Shoes.

Click on a title in the first list to listen to the music, and click on a title in the second list to download the written music.

Thanks

Click on a title to listen:

• 1. Allemande
• 2. Courante
• 3. Sarabande
• 4. Two Step for Two
• 5. Minuet in Boots
• 6. Kick Off Your Shoes

Click on a title to download the written music:

• 1. Allemande
• 2. Courante
• 3. Sarabande
• 4. Two Step for Two
• 5. Minuet in Boots
• 6. Kick Off Your Shoes

Music 352: Dancing in wet sand while wearing a mask

Happy 4th of July to my USA friends!

This piece of music today was a lockdown composition. I grew tired of hearing that one could walk on wet sand but not on dry sand, like we were cats looking for the “kitty-litter”.

[For those who like a more academic approach to music listening (and presumably in this case it’s not many of you because these things don’t matter!) this piece of music is not spontaneously played upon a keyboard. I took a 12-tone serial row by Arnold Schoenberg, made a grid out of it, and composed using only the diagonals on the grid. Whatever!]

Anyways – it brightened my day. I hope it brightens yours!

There is no sheet music for this one!

Listen HERE!

Music 329-332: Four dances for piano

Hi Everyone

Here are Four dances for piano – not for the piano to dance to, Silly, but four dances to be played on the piano.

Click on a title in the first list to listen, and click on a title in the second list to download the written music.

Thanks

Click on a title to listen
Dance 1
Dance 2
Dance 3
Dance 4

Click on a title to download the written music
Dance 1
Dance 2
Dance 3
Dance 4

1591. A terrible conundrum

What a conundrum it was for Geraldine. Here she was in her early twenties and not once had she ever been asked out on a date by a man. Sure, an older brother took her to the Prom, probably because he felt a bit sorry for her. It wasn’t that she was ugly or anything; in fact, she was quite pretty. And she wasn’t boring. She was vivacious, intelligent, charming, practical, and capable. Why no man would not want to date her was really beyond comprehension.

She had promised her sister that she would babysit the two little children while her sister and husband had a well-deserved night off at the village gala ball. And now, look what happened! Arnie Beukenholdt invited Geraldine to the same ball.

“Bloody hell!” exclaimed Geraldine. “I can’t go. I promised my sister I’d babysit.”

“Oh well,” said Arnie. “Not to worry.”

Of course, come the night of the ball and Geraldine’s sister phoned to say she had caught a cold so the babysitting wasn’t required. Quite frankly, Geraldine was down in the dumps. Arnie Beukenholdt was possibly the handsomest man on the block, and a wonderful sportsman. And such a lovely personality. He wasn’t exactly made of money, but he was hard-working and comfortable. Arnie and Geraldine were made for each other. Geraldine half dialled Arnie’s phone number and then lost confidence.

Then! Oh would you believe! Such things usually only happen in Victorian novels but here it happened in real life! The phone rang! It was Arnie.

“So,” he said, “I wanted to catch you before you went babysitting. If you can’t go to the ball, what about next Thursday?”

Geraldine explained to him what happened. Hasty preparations were made. Geraldine didn’t have time to even do her hair properly. Arnie picked her up in his run-down beaten old car and they went to the ball.

How they danced the night away!

1324. Frederick’s tango

With the dance competitions coming up Frederick and Anika practised and practised the tango. They were very good at it.

On the evening of the competition they put their heart and soul into the event. They didn’t win, but they got second. Frederick and Anika were thrilled. Everyone said they would have got first if Frederick didn’t think he was the cat’s pyjamas. He walked around like he was the best thing since sliced bread. Even though the tango is an arrogant sort of dance there’s no need to strut up and down like a painted canary.

But only Anika knew. The tango was on Frederick’s bucket list. The doctor had given him only a few weeks.