Tag Archives: crossing

2093. Oh what a tragedy!

Have you any idea how expensive it is to get a divorce? Raymond wanted to get rid of his wife but he wasn’t keen to lose almost half of what he’d worked for throughout his life. It was cheaper (and quicker) simply to get rid of her in a cunning and imperceptible way.

He devised a fabulous plan. As far as he could work out, it hadn’t been done before – at least he’d never heard of it. He had one of those cars whereby the driver had controls to lock the car doors. It was a child protection device. If the children in the back and passenger seats were messing around they couldn’t accidently open the door and fall out.

What Raymond would do was to stall the car on a rail crossing just as a train was hurtling towards them. Then he’d quickly press the button to lock his wife’s door, leap out his own door, and… Oh what a tragedy! Oh what a sadness! Why did it happen to me?

It wasn’t exactly something he could practise. After all, how many cars can one afford? But he drove the route several times and knew well the times the trains passed.

The day arrived. They were to visit great aunt Maude and bring her the usual weekly supply of chocolate and cat food. They were just about to leave (Raymond was actually wearing his running shoes!) when a message came that great Aunt Maud’s sister also wanted to visit Maude, and could they pick her up on the way? That ruined things. The request meant they would have to take another route. Murder would have to wait another day.

The following week off they went on their habitual visit. Raymond’s wife (goodness, as yet she is not introduced – her name was Fiona) had trouble dragging Raymond’s drugged body to the garage and into the car. Once done she drove to the rail crossing and stopped. She got out to watch.

Oh what a tragedy! Oh what a sadness! Why did it happen to me?

(P.S. A Happy Easter to all who wish to be wished such! I shall be hopefully back with a murder on the 5th, Easter Monday!)

1383. Accident

Yeah, well, all I wanted was a packet of cigarettes. So I had to drive into town, which is about ten minutes away, and when I got there they closed off the main street and everyone had to detour around. There was this old lady run over and killed.

She shouldn’t have been crossing there anyway. There’re places to cross, but she had to cross in the wrong place and got hit by a car and killed. Serves her right, I say. She won’t be doing that again!

The shop I always get my cigarettes from is slightly cheaper than other shops so I always go there. But it’s in the main street. And because of the old lady getting killed I was stuck in the blocked off main street for about three hours, and none of the shops there had opened because they’d blocked off people going in and out. And after all that, I came home and had forgotten to get cigarettes.

That old woman must’ve been half blind. It’s not my fault I ran her over.

1185. A clever trick

Albert was for ever playing little tricks on his children. For example, when he was driving over a railway crossing with his kids in the back seat, he would stop on the railway line, pretend the car stalled, and ask “Any trains coming?”

The kids would always scream, “NO!”

Of course, Albert always checked both ways before pretending to stall on the railw…