Surely they don’t expect me to moo-ve all this firewood?
A sheep, a cow, and a pig are standing at the farm fence watching the arrival of a truck with new livestock.
Sheep: Who do you suppose is arriving this time?
Cow: It could be a cow.
Pig: It could be a pig.
Sheep: It could be a sheep.
Two ostriches step off the truck and on to the field.
Pig: What are they doing here?
Cow: (calling out) Go home, you dirty foreigners.
Sheep: We have lived on this land for generations.
Pig: No room here. It’s crowded enough as it is.
Cow: They messed up their own land, and so now they have to come and mess up ours.
Sheep: Here goes the neighbourhood.
Pig: They say ostriches can kick something terrible. They’re introducing violence into society.
Cow: Next thing they’ll expect us to welcome alpacas.
Pig and Sheep: (in shock) Alpacas! Whatever for?
(No audio today!)
My Master is away today and it is meant to be the 800th story on the 800th day. We really can’t let the occasion go by without a commemoration of some sort. Usually I’m not allowed near the computer, but since no one is here, I shall step in and take charge.
My name is Delia. I am a dog. It’s certainly a dog’s life, and I seem to be the dog’s body around here.
The first thing I did this morning was to jump into a proper bed and have a sleep-in. Normally I’m not allowed anywhere near the bed, let alone under the blankets.
The next thing I did was to get Jeeves (he’s the butler) to drive me around the farm. There are so many animals to keep in order.
When I got back it was time for my walk. I don’t know how they managed to arrange it but somehow the Pope took me, as you can see from the picture. The crowds were phenomenal.
Then of course it was time to eat, so the cat said grace first (she is such a hypocrite). She did it obviously because the Pope was there. She never usually bothers.
And then (you won’t believe this) after eating she pretended to read the Bible.
Of course, the Pope told us to be nice to everyone, so I’ve been trying. First with the silly old cow.
And then with her silly old calf.
And finally with the silly old stuffed toy. I’m sick of kissing everyone.
I’m not going to be nice to the goat. He’s a bit of an old devil.
Hark! (or rather, Bark!) I hear a car! They’re arriving back home! I shall hastily press the post button for all of this. The cat and I shall sit on the veranda and look innocent.
We haven’t done a thing all day. We’ve been so good. Have a nice day one and all!