2628. Laundry shelf saga

What a hoo-hah on the laundry shelf. The almost empty container of Ocean Splash Toilet Duck had been taken away by the Mistress of the House and HAS NOT RETURNED. It has been several hours.

“Ocean Splash Toilet Duck knew she was getting near the end,” said Micro Particles Cream Cleaner. “She said she had given everything she had and was on her last legs. I fear she has been thrown into the trash.”

“Oh that’s terrible,” said powerful and poisonous Drain Clean Liquid. “And what a sad life she has had, forever having to stick her head into a toilet and be given a squeeze. My job isn’t much better but at least I get a bit of variety.”

“I think it’s disgusting,” said highly flammable Silvo Silver Polish. “Constantly sticking ones head into a toilet shows no class whatsoever. Now I polish nothing but expensive silver and have a very satisfying life. In fact I’ve been here for ten years and only been used once.”

“Some of us have very little to look forward to,” said Bag of Kitty Litter. “I feel for Ocean Splash Toilet Duck. And she was such reassuring company especially when ones future doesn’t bode well.”

“Quite frankly I don’t know what the fuss is about,” said Oxi-Actioned Amazing Stain Remover. “I just do my job and get on with it.”

But who is this approaching the laundry shelf? Why! It’s the Mistress of the House!

 “Look what she brought in!” screamed Micro Particles Cream Cleaner. “It’s another container of Toilet Duck!”

“It’s not Ocean Splash Toilet Duck. It’s Forest Pine Toilet Duck. How disappointing,” said Drain Clean Liquid. “You do realize that you’ll have to stick your head into a toilet?”

Micro Particles Cream Cleaner sighed. It was a sigh of contentment. “I don’t care what tasks Forest Pine Toilet Duck has to perform. I feel that we on the shelf are once again complete.”

2046. A typical life

As if expecting her third baby wasn’t difficult enough. It was made a thousand times more difficult now that Clifford has run off with his secretary. The two boys were under the age of five, and there was still four months to go before the arrival of the third boy. Clifford had wanted a girl. It was Lynette’s fault – the third male.  It didn’t cause the dissipation of her marriage but it certainly hastened it. And now Clifford was refusing to pay for anything until “matters were cleared up”.

Thank goodness Lynette’s mother lived just around the corner. At least someone was “there” – although she drank heavily and couldn’t be trusted after seven in an evening. Still, she could help with the two boys for an hour or two in the mornings while Lynette went off to her part-time motel-cleaning job. At least it meant that there were a few pennies coming in.

And then Lynette’s mother died suddenly. Who was going to pay for the funeral? Lynette was a relative. It was her responsibility. Would the motel owner mind if she brought her two little boys along while she cleaned? The motel owner had enough on her mind without having to worry about other people’s toddlers. The answer was no.

Lynette was at the end of her tether. She walked the street with her two boys in search of some “help for the helpless”. It was not something until recently that she had ever given half a thought to. She couldn’t find the place. She stopped and asked a gentleman in the street if he knew of anywhere.

“Excuse me,” said Lynette as politely as she could muster. They got talking. That is why today Lynette is now Lady Lynette Snodgrass-Grbin, married to billionaire Lord Hector Snodgrass-Grbin, and they have five boys counting Lynette’s three, who run around the manor grounds playing hide-and-seek when they’re not at their excellent school.

Clifford recently contacted Lynette and said he was destitute. The secretary had fled. He had no job. Lynette sent him a thousand dollars and told him to stay out of her life permanently. She subsequently learned that he had taken “permanently” to mean more permanent than she had intended.

Oh! And did I forget to mention? Lady Lynette is now expecting her sixth. It’s a girl.

1331. Deep in discussion

Serge and Jean-Paul sat at the back of the church hall deep in conversation. Serge’s philosophical perspective embraced the nihilism of a Camus, whereas Jean-Paul lent more to a philosophical stance that embraced a wider spectrum such as Plato and Kant and even Aquinas.

Serge and Jean-Paul were arguing, each from their philosophical perspective, about educational theory. Both agreed that the current school system needed overhauling, but both had quite differing views as to what should be done. They had been discussing it for nearly three hours, and sometimes quite vigorously.

Now that their wives had just finished putting away all the ranks of chairs and cleaning the church hall from top to bottom – windows and all – it was time to go home.