2618. A fairy story

When Cinderella’s Wicked Stepmother at the ball managed to stuff several classified documents from the palace into Cinderella’s right-footed glass slipper she was confident the documents would arrive safely at her own home. It was customary for her family to use the garage door at night, and having lived in Polynesia for a time they had developed the habit of leaving their footwear at the door. The garage would be quite safe. It was locked at night along with her Volkswagen.

The Wicked Stepmother’s plan had worked. She had pilfered the documents at the palace, and when Cinderella complained that her shoes were a little big, the kind Stepmother stuffed the papers in as padding.

And in the morning, there was the right-footed footwear! The Wicked Stepmother gathered the glass slipper’s contents, made copies, and sent the copies off to the Emperor of China. The threat that had hung over the Wicked Stepmother was mollified – at least for a while. The Emperor knew the secret and had threatened to expose it. He alone knew that the Wicked Stepmother and the Fairy Godmother were one and the same.

1572. Zach and the mean stork

(The closing sentence for this story was suggested by Chelsea’s son (one of them). Chelsea’s blog is here. Note: I’m not sure in which countries “Ball” rhymes with “Mall” but it does in mine! Hence this story!)

It all started when Cinderella’s two ugly sisters we invited to the mall by the local handsome prince, Zach. Cinderella wanted to go to the mall too but had nothing sloppy enough to wear.

“Oh how I wish I could go to the mall with my two ugly sisters,” sighed Cinderella. “That way I might meet Prince Zach and we’d get married.”

The next thing, Cinderella’s Hairy Godmother appeared from nowhere. She had a magic wand.

“Come with me, Cindy,” said the Hairy Godmother. Together they went to the mall. Cinderella’s two ugly sisters were there messing around with Prince Zach. The Hairy Godmother waved her magic wand and EUREKA! the two ugly sisters were turned into birds. One was turned into a stork and the other into a hyena. (A hyena is not a bird but the Hairy Godmother had brought only her second-best wand).

The stork started to peck poor Cinderella. Peck! Peck! Peck! What a Neanderthal!

“Help! Help!” cried Cinderella. “I’m getting pecked to bits!”

Prince Zach came to Cinderella’s rescue.

“Don’t be such a mean stork,” said Prince Zach.

So that is the story of Zach and the Mean Stork. Well, it’s not quite the full story. Prince Zach and Cinderella fell in love and… I’m not telling what happened next because I don’t want to spill the beans (or even to throw them out the window) but there was a wedding…

And they all lived happily ever laughter.

1205. Humbug!

 

Regan was a school teacher. She taught “the littlies”! It was Christmas Eve.

Little Johnny brought his teacher some flowers. “Happy Christmas, Miss,” said Little Johnny.

“How dare you, you brain-washed son of bigots. If I was a male you wouldn’t give me flowers. You’re giving me flowers because I’m a woman, and that’s sexist. I won’t accept your dumb flowers, and besides I don’t celebrate Christmas. I thought I’d taught you to ignore all this silly superstitious stuff and live in reality. Dismissed!”

Regan was clearly in a bad mood. She and her sister, Goneril, were to go to a ball that very evening. The Handsome Prince was insisting that their other sister, Cinderella, was to come too.

Humbug! Happy Christmas everyone!

865. Having a ball

Cinderella’s horrible step-mother turned a blind eye to the goings-on of her two horrible daughters. Money was going missing out of purses and wallets. Lots of money. And the two ugly sisters somehow managed to wear something different every day.

“Money is going missing out of purses and wallets,” said Cinderella’s father. “Does anyone know anything about it?”

“It’ll be Cinderella,” said the sisters. “She’s not to be trusted.”

Cinderella was made to clean out the scullery twice daily for a good two weeks.

“You naughty, deceitful, thieving hussy,” said the wicked step-mother.

Come the preparations for the palace ball and you’ve never seen such a commotion. Bodices and brassieres and negligees and pantyhose and chemises and gowns and shoes and jewellery and… what a mess the house was in with preparations. And then came the night of the ball… Off the two sisters went (with the step-mother and Cinderella’s father in tow). Were they mutton dressed as lamb or what? Cougars in gowns and thongs. Cinderella was left at home to “tidy up after all the preparations”.

Quickly she threw on her gorgeous ball gown and special glass shoes. The coach (with footmen) arrived. Off she went! And there wasn’t a fairy godmother in sight

To listen to the story being read click HERE!.