Tag Archives: christmas

1499. I’ll take you there

Andrew lived with his grandma in a little cottage. He helped his grandma grow vegetables and flowers. He also helped his grandma milk the cow. The cow lived in the shed out the back.

A big snowstorm came. Andrew was sad because the weather reminded him of the day his mother died. Grandma said that if he looked into the frosty night sky he would see lots of stars brightly shining. Perhaps his mother was looking down.

Andrew made a great big star out of silver foil and hung it in the window so his mother would know where to look.

A little later Grandma was busy making cinnamon cookies in the kitchen. There was a knock at the door.

“I’ll get it, Grandma.”

Andrew opened the door. The winter wind swept in.

There stood Three Kings. What a glorious sight! They were dressed in cloth of gold studded with jewels. They wore crowns and had rings galore on their fingers. They carried gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

“We have been following a star,” they said. “We saw the star in your window and wondered if this was the right place.”

Andrew said he didn’t think it was the right place, but there were some people in the shed out the back sheltering from the snow. They might know something about it.

“I’ll take you there.”

And that is how Andrew changed the history of the world.

1468. Jingle all the way

Whenever Clive reheated something in the microwave he would burst out singing at the top of his voice, “JINGLE ALL THE WAY”. Quite frankly, it drove Eustacia crazy. Eustacia was his wife.

There he goes again! The microwave has just beeped finish and off he goes. JINGLE ALL THE WAY.

“Why do you always sing JINGLE ALL THE WAY when the microwave finishes?” asked Eustacia.

“It’s pretty obvious,” said Clive. “It’s easy enough to work out why.” That annoyed Eustacia even more. Not only did he sing something meaningless, but he accused her of stupidity for not knowing why.

And then it struck her. How obvious it was. When the microwave finished it went:

Beep beep beep
Beep beep beep.

That was:

Jingle bells
Jingle bells.

JINGLE ALL THE WAY sang Clive.

Now it really drove Eustacia nuts. She couldn’t use the microwave without hearing Jingle Bells.

Music 159: Early morning snow clearing

I remember it only too well in Quebec – early risings on freezing mornings to clear the driveway snow to get to work. It’s winter here in New Zealand now, but no snow like this. And of course, it’s not Christmas as in the picture – some place on Earth it’s the 4th of July!

1207. An unexpected Christmas gift

 

Dolores got a most unexpected Christmas present the day after Christmas last year. It was an email that read:

What the IRS doesn’t want you to know. Emmanuel circuito financial rouge wishlist 9h iva circular mujer rsvp cumple musical sui viagem memory hrs heather autres sondage craigslist no…

Partially annoyed, Dolores clicked on it and responded with equal nonsense:

Thank you a lot for giving everyone a very breath-taking opportunity to discover important secrets from here. It is usually so great and as well, jam-packed with fun for me and my office colleagues to visit your site on the least three times per week to read through the latest stuff you have got. Not to mention, I’m actually fascinated concerning the powerful advice served by you.

She received the most wonderful reply:

Hi Dolores, Your response to our spam was perfect. We here at Anonymous Spammers dot Anonymous wondered if you would like to join our team? The pay is excellent.

Dolores now lives in a mansion and drives a Lamborghini.

1206. It was Christmas Day!

 

It was Christmas Day! It was also Patsy’s first Christmas for fifty three years without her husband who had passed away in June. Both her children were overseas; one on military duty and the other in the diplomatic corps.

“Let’s not get morbid,” thought Patsy. “I shall celebrate Christmas with a little feast.”

Patsy purchased an hors d’oeuvre (“Do not defrost, heat in oven for ten minutes”), the biggest chicken to roast that she could find (“But for Christmas I shall cook it like a turkey”), and a host of vegetables as side dishes (“Different enough from the usual to make it celebrational”).

“I shall have a little wine with it all, and then end with a slice of homemade piping-hot apple pie with whipped cream. I shall top it off in front of the TV with a nice coffee and some marsh mellows.”

But what a stormy Christmas Day! Snow flurries and sudden gusts of wind! And then the electricity went off. A black out. Everything was only half cooked.

Patsy sat wrapped up next to the fire and roasted her marsh mellows on a stick. Oh! She almost forgot! A little wine!

Happy Christmas everyone!

1205. Humbug!

 

Regan was a school teacher. She taught “the littlies”! It was Christmas Eve.

Little Johnny brought his teacher some flowers. “Happy Christmas, Miss,” said Little Johnny.

“How dare you, you brain-washed son of bigots. If I was a male you wouldn’t give me flowers. You’re giving me flowers because I’m a woman, and that’s sexist. I won’t accept your dumb flowers, and besides I don’t celebrate Christmas. I thought I’d taught you to ignore all this silly superstitious stuff and live in reality. Dismissed!”

Regan was clearly in a bad mood. She and her sister, Goneril, were to go to a ball that very evening. The Handsome Prince was insisting that their other sister, Cinderella, was to come too.

Humbug! Happy Christmas everyone!