Tag Archives: children

1191. Three sons

Bridgette was tired. She held down two jobs. After all, as well as herself, she had three mouths to feed. There was Tom, her eldest, with Les in the middle, and Archie at the bottom. Three boys! And she provided for them on her own.

School was an expensive time, what with books, and camps, and computers, and this and that. All three sons with just a year between each. She should have spaced them out better!

Of course, they ate Bridgette out of house and home. Boys have such gigantic appetites. She was forever having to refill the fridge.

Now, at last, they’d all finished school. All three had part-times jobs, but spent most of their time at home on their computers and phones.

Could they not perhaps, suggested Bridgette, make a small monetary contribution to the running of the house? Now that they have part-time jobs?

But we live here. This is our home, they said. Why should we pay board?

Frustrated, Bridgette went out to mow the lawn.

1175. Waste not, want not

Norbert and Bertha decided, prior to their wedding day, that they would have as many children as possible.

“That way,” said Norbert, if one of the children gets killed and we need a hair transplant, for example, there’s a whole resource just lying there.”

“It’s like money in the bank,” said Bertha. “Who knows, as we grow older, whether we’ll need a kidney or a liver or even a heart and lungs transplant.”

“Not to mention the eyes,” added Norbert.

And so began their years of procreation. The first thirteen were fine. And then Bertha died giving birth to the fourteen and fifteenth. They were twins and Bertha suffered an amniotic fluid embolism.

As luck would have it, Norbert was able to use, with the right treatment, her remains to fertilize his lawn.

Poem 45: Sea waves

(The form selected for this week is an adaptation of the Vietnamese Luc bat. It is an adaptation of the poetic form because Vietnamese is a tonal language and it cannot be imitated in English. The syllable count and the rhyming pattern have been adhered to!)

Sea waves! Kinaesthetic
masterpiece! The earth’s trick to shine
hefty stones into fine
marble and, over time, transform
dull rock. Beauty is born
not in fierce forceful storms but slow,
quiet, gentle to and fro,
wave on wave, stop and go, hard grit.

Children ever question,
perpetual in their din and quest
to know. They prod and pest.
Their parents never rest at all;
but as the breakers fall
on stony shores to maul and grind,
Mum turns into diamond,
and Dad, wave-worn, refined forged iron.

1109. Lorna

Lorna disliked her name. Some kids at school would ridicule her: “Lorna needs mowing” and “Do you wash your clothes in the Lorna-dry?” and so on. These kids thought they were clever, but Lorna was hurt. She wanted to change her name.

“Can I change my name?” she asked her mother.

“Perhaps you could use your middle name,” suggested her mother. Lorna’s middle name was Elizabeth.

Lorna said she’d think about it. And then… quite by accident… Lorna discovered…

Lorna Doone: A Romance of Exmoor, a novel by Richard Doddridge Blackmore. She loved it! Why would she ever want to change her name from Lorna? Lorna! The woman who married the handsome and brave Jan Ridd! The woman who lived happily ever after!

1104. A turning

James was driving along quite comfortably. His three year old daughter was strapped into a safety seat in the back.

James needed to make a turn into a side street. He had plenty of time to turn, even though there was an oncoming car travelling at speed towards him.

Just as he turned two young skateboarders began to cross the road right in front of him. No warning; nothing. They hadn’t even looked. James had to make an instant decision: does he screech to a halt in the middle of the turn and avoid the skateboarders, or does he plough into the skateboarders and prevent his daughter in the back from being struck by the approaching speeding car?

A parent’s instinct is stronger than anything else. The court case is next week.

1085. Dog neighbours

Barbara made almost enough to get by on. She had two little children, and a little dog. Her partner had long left on a container ship. He had no intention of coming back. It was with a great deal of relief that Barbara managed to rent a little house within her budget.

The next door neighbour also had a dog; a pit bull terrier. It was a violent thing. It barked and smashed into the boundary fence like it wanted to kill Barbara and her children and their little dog. However, the man and woman living next door kept it under control.

And then the man died. He dropped dead in the middle of the night, slap bang at his front door.

After that, the woman living there had no control over the pit bull terrier. Barbara kept her mouth shut. She didn’t want to create a fuss at such a mournful time. But Barbara’s children couldn’t play outside, and nor could the little dog. In fact, Barbara was too scared to go outside to hang the washing out.

Barbara went to see the lady next door and explain. “Phh!” said the lady. “Phh! That was my partner’s dog. It’s precious. Surely you don’t expect me to get rid of my late partner’s dog? How heartless. Get a life.”

Things with the pit bull terrier went from bad to worse. Barbara went to the police. The next day Barbara’s little dog lay dead on the front porch. There was a note under the door. If you go to the police again your kids are not safe.

Barbara packed her kids in the car and headed for the Women’s Refuge Centre.

Next night her uninsured house burned down.

1079. Dreams come true

Pam was walking through the city mall and stopped dead in her tracks. There it was in front of her! A children’s play house! It was exactly as in her dream; the same little windows and doors, the same paint colours. It even had a little doorbell that Pam remembered ringing in her dream. And it was being raffled to raise money for the zoo’s rare goat breeding program.

The playhouse would be ideal for her grandchildren. And there was plenty of room to place it at the far end of her garden. In fact, it would look very pretty there. Pam took ten tickets at ten dollars each.

“I can’t believe it!” crooned Pam. “It’s exactly the same as in my dream. I know I’m going to win. Coincidences like this don’t happen without a reason.”

That night, she dreamt she’d won it. But the winning ticket had the number 2 in it. None of Pam’s tickets had a 2 in the number. Pam returned to the mall and bought ten more tickets, each with a 2 in the number. She had spent a total of two hundred dollars on what she regarded as a dreamed certainty.

And you know what? I know that you’re thinking the inevitable. You’re thinking that, of course, SHE WON! SHE WON! SHE WON! Or conversely, you’re thinking, SHE DIDN’T WIN! SHE DIDN’T WIN! SHE DIDN’T WIN! But no! The raffle is not due to be drawn until next Thursday.