Tag Archives: bulbs

2469. Summer bulbs

They claimed to be the biggest supplier of garden bulbs in the country. Floyd was just one in a million that used their services. Only online orders were taken.

Of course, bulbs don’t flower the minute they arrive in the mail. Red gladioli bulbs might arrive in September but wouldn’t flower until January (Southern Hemisphere times!)

That is how Floyd developed a system. He would email the bulb company in January to complain that the red gladioli bulbs he ordered in September were now flowering and they were yellow. “It is so disappointing,” wrote Floyd. “After all these months of anticipation and then this happens.”

The following season Floyd would get a little parcel in the mail. “We apologize for our error in fulfilling your order with the wrong coloured bulbs. Here are the correct bulbs.” Floyd now had twenty red gladioli bulbs, instead of the mere ten he had originally ordered.

Floyd had used this trick for seven years. Among his order “corrections” were Mixed Ruffled Begonias, Zantedeschia Amberjack, Hippeastrum Terracotta Star, and Tigridia Pavonia. What a picture his garden was!

This year he would try something different. He would attempt to grow garlic, because these days the cooking garlic imported from China was tasteless. Floyd’s package arrived in the mail with a note:

Dear Floyd – here are the bulbs you ordered. Since you have been such a regular customer over the years we have included six extra bulbs for you to try with your cooking. So there are half a dozen bulbs for you to use for planting and half a dozen bulbs for you to use for eating. It’s our way of thanking you by giving you an opportunity to try before you plant!

Floyd did indeed cook with some! Of course, Hyacinth bulbs can be lethal.

1955. Daffodil order

Dear Sir/Madam,

For years now I have ordered my Spring bulbs from your once excellent online service. This year I ordered the newly developed daffodil bulbs that have brilliant white petals with a bright pink centre. I was quite excited to see the buds forming. Then when they flowered they were all bright yellow. It was such a disappointment.

I contacted your Complaints Department and they said that it was quite a few months since I had made the order. The replacement time had lapsed and I should have made the complaint about getting the wrong bulbs earlier. But I couldn’t, could I? Not until they flowered.

I ordered these special daffodil bulbs the week the doctor told me I have terminal cancer. This was to be my last Spring and the pink and white daffodils were to be one of the joys of the last Spring season I shall see. They were called Delnashaugh Daffodils. They cost me $79.99 for 30 bulbs. There’s no chance now of ever seeing these flowers in the real.

Now that the cancer has spread to my liver I found the yellow daffodils to be offensive and inconsiderate. There’s no need to offer to replace them. I’ll probably be dead even before they arrive in the mail. It is so upsetting to have my life end with such a disappointment.

My friend Rebecca is an enthusiastic gardener and I have included her full name and address, plus half a dozen names of other daffodil bulbs of various shapes and shades from your catalogue. She would appreciate getting them along with the 30 Delnashaugh Daffodil bulbs, and I would regard your sending them to her as adequate compensation for the gross error you made during my terminal illness.

Yours faithfully
Mrs M. McPherson