Tag Archives: brassica

2461. A most unfortunate episode, with a hidden moral

Before she got married, Tracey would occasionally buy and eat sauerkraut. It would come in a jar at the supermarket. All she need do was throw a few peppercorns into a pot, empty the jar into the pot, perhaps add a bit of water, and heat it up.  It was a delicious accompaniment to sausage or corned beef or something like that.

When she got married she never used it again. Tommy described sauerkraut as smelly, rotten, German cabbage. Over the forty-two years of marriage, Tracey sometimes thought of sauerkraut, usually when she passed the sauerkraut in the supermarket aisle. But no! Not a single shred of putrid brassica passed her lips during all those years.

It was sad when Tommy died, but Tracey knew that she would eventually have to get on with life. She had to remind herself that it was her life alone now; she didn’t have to compromise. She went to the supermarket and bought a jar of sauerkraut and some sausage; to consolidate her conviction of independence. She would have it for dinner.

Were the Fates laughing? Was it one of those ironies that rear its ugly head when one least expects? On the first bite of sauerkraut it went down the wrong way, and Tracey choked to death.

As the coroner joked to his colleagues, “It was a waste of a jolly good sausage”.

1134. A prickly pruning

Good evening. I’m Shelagh Littenberg, and welcome to Time in the Garden – your weekly foray into the foliage.

Today we’re visiting the fabulous rose gardens of Sir Julius Barton-Klap. Sir Julius has been at the forefront of developing new rose varieties for over thirty years. He has thousands of rose bushes. There would hardly be a rose variety in existence that’s not to be found in Sir Julius Barton-Klap’s all-encompassing garden.

We have so many questions to ask the expert, but today especially we’re going to learn how to prune roses correctly. With so many roses, there can be little doubt that there’s a right and a wrong way, and Sir Julius will put us all on the proper track. Good evening, Sir Julius.

Good evening, Shelagh.

With so many roses, how to you manage to prune them all? And what is the correct way to do it?

Actually, Shelagh, I use the electric hedge clippers. Just shear them down a bit. My wife uses the weed-eater on the bramble bushes. They don’t seem to mind getting cut to the ground. In fact, they like it. It’s a family affair. For some of the more rampant climbers one of my sons gets stuck in with the chain saw. The other son uses a machete; he likes to get a bit of a sweat-up. With so many roses, it’s the only way and they seem to be able to take a thrashing.

But isn’t there a correct way to do it? I was told to always cut on an angle just below where it would bud; and to always have the bud’s position so that it grew out from the rose and not inwards.

Well I suppose if you’ve got one or two plants you could do that, but really just hacking away with the secateurs will do the trick; any old how.

Thank you. Next week we were down to learn how Sir Julius fertilized his roses, but I think we’ll give it a miss and visit the Brassica Nursery to learn the correct and humane way to stop caterpillars from eating your carefully-tended cabbages. That’s something that concerns us all. Good evening.