2676. Bloody murder

It was a shocking murder. The coroner said he’d never seen such shocking mutilation of a murder victim. It was a wonder that any bodily part was recognizable. In fact the coroner had pieced together parts of the body and when he’d finished reassembling he realized that he’d mistakenly misplaced a finger where the nose should go.

Of course they hadn’t arrested the murderer. There were no hints. No DNA. Little clue. No motive. The only small clue they had was the discovery that she had initially been beaten over the head with a television remote.

In the end the coroner’s report gave some hint. It is possible, said the report, that my wife wouldn’t shut up during the football on television.

2476. Hospital emergency

Doctor: Hold still. I’ve got some of it out with the tweezers.

Cynthia: Ouch, doctor. It hurts.

Doctor: There! That’s quite a big piece. Have you just been to a fancy dress party?

Cynthia: No. I am a real princess. Be more careful. Don’t forget that I’m a princess.

Doctor: You and your parents might think so, but in truth you’re a spoiled little brat. Now hold still. This would be a lot easier if there wasn’t blood all over the place.

Cynthia: But I am a real princess.

Doctor: Yeah right. Anyway, so how did you get all these shards of glass embedded in your right foot?

Story 549: Phlebotomists

I’m going to take a break for a week from producing original stories. I’ve completely run out of ideas, and maybe the break will inspire something. So instead, there are several thousand stories sitting there mainly unread, so I shall republish an earlier story each day for the next seven days. These stories won’t continue the current numbering system as they are repeats! They have been chosen pretty much at random.

We begin with Story 549: “Phlebotomists”. It was first posted on 12 April 2015.

Kent was a phlebotomist and a good one too. His job was to take blood samples at the local hospital. Of course, working in a hospital meant he never had a moment’s peace.

People don’t often realise, but even a doctor sometimes needs a doctor. In Kent’s case, he needed a phlebotomist. His doctor had ordered a blood test. Kent was not one to take his own blood. He went to a Health Clinic in another part of town.

Leon was the phlebotomist. He took blood from Kent’s arm. Kent noticed that Leon did the same thing as he himself did; he took twice the amount of blood required.

Leon smiled at Kent. Yes, it was as Kent thought; they had similar teeth.

2104. Blood stains

Wilfred had knocked his big toe on the leg of a chair and there was blood all over the wall to wall carpet. He managed to stem the dripping of blood with a plaster and then noticed he had some blood on his arm. How on earth did that happen? He had stubbed his toe, not his arm!

The clean-up turned into a major event. If blood isn’t fairly quickly cleaned it can be difficult to get rid of in carpet. He kept dabbing it with wet towels. Goodness, there wasn’t that much but what a mess! Why his wife had to choose light grey carpet was anybody’s guess.

Eventually all was done to satisfaction. Tomorrow his wife would be returning from visiting her mother in a distant town. Hopefully things will have dried sufficiently for her not to notice.

Next time he stabs a “hospitality call girl” he’ll make sure he’s in the kitchen with a linoleum floor.

839. Another statistic

There were four people in the car. It was speeding along the road. I know it was speeding because it passed me going at a terrific rate. That was about two minutes before I came across the accident.

The road was wet. It had been raining, but was now clearing up. There was a right hand curve in the road, and the driver obviously missed it, and the car went straight ahead and plummeted down a small bank. Three of the people in the car seem to have been thrown clear, including the driver. They were standing together on the side of the road. But the fourth, a passenger in the back seat I think, was a mess.

There was blood everywhere, and he obviously had head injuries. One of his eyeballs had completely left its socket and was hanging down like a yoyo. He was lying in the middle of the road, about ten metres from where the car went down, so he must’ve somehow been thrown back out of the car after impact.

The blood! I’ve never seen anything like it. I think he was still alive. I’m not sure though, because the first aid attendant kept getting in the way of my camera.

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