Tag Archives: blog

1518: Bloggeration

Hi. My name is Zhara and I would like to share with you what I have learnt about blogging by blogging. First of all don’t get caught up with trying to get lots of likes – I get about 1100 likes and I am happy with that. I get friends on Facebook and stuff to give me likes as it’s a way of promoting my blog to those who are missing out. It is so exciting! I can’t believe how popular I am. My friend, Arizona, only got 27 likes!!!! What a loser!!!!

I also try to select the best makeup to recommend, even though I’m not a makeup blogger but a lot of women are interested in makeup so they are attracted to my blog because of the makeup. And the guys like coming to my blog to see the photos of the women wearing the makeup. And I also post about makeup for men for those who like looking at men like my cousin Alfred. So find some side things to put in your blog to attract a wider audience – like makeup and fashion and face cream and hair and stuff.

It’s also helpful if you suffer from some ailment and talk about it. I got a fungal infection once but I didn’t blog about that. It is better to go for sychological (that’s a word I can’t spell) ailments like skizno skitzo depression. People run away from viruses but they don’t mind (or rather like) people who are suffering and they like to offer their support. But what is the point of offering support to someone with a fungal infection? You might catch it!!!! So go for something in the head like grief or loss or something. Face cream for dry skin is alright because it’s not fungus.

Anyway, all this is my advice, and I hope to start a page soon about website promotion – but people will have to pay for that!!! My boyfriend is coming to my place tonight to show me what to do because he knows about stuff like that. I am really excited to be a successful blogger, and will now post this before I lose all the friends who read my first posting yesterday.

1500. Reaching the pinnacle

 

Bruce hadn’t achieved much in his life. There was one thing, however, he could do: he could be the first in the history of the world to climb one particular peak of the local mountain range. Reaching the top of this peak had been an insurmountable problem for many who had attempted it. Although few had died in the attempt, no one had arrived where apparently “no human had ever trod before”.

It wasn’t the most earth-shattering thing to do, but Bruce would attempt it come what may. At least to himself he would achieve something of note: a legend in his own mind.

He set out.

After many strenuous days, after falling rocks and slippery shingle slides, after warm days and freezing nights, after scratches and insect bites, after encountering inquisitive tourist parties and aspiring solo mountaineers, he had only a few feet left to go. He reached up to the last crevice on the mountain peak to pull himself up to the top. And…

… he did! He did it! “At last!” he said, “at last I have arrived where no human had ever trod before!” The view wasn’t as spectacular has he had imagined. And scattered about were a couple of squashed coke cans and some cigarette butts.

Post Script:

Dear Reader,

This is the 1500th story on this blog, and the final posting! I would like to end on a personal note:

Back in 1986 I was studying for a degree in a relatively famous institution in Boston, Massachusetts. It was possibly the most flamboyantly happy time of my life. I was very popular! North America was big, and I came from a tiny island at the bottom of the globe. I revelled in the vastness of it all, and delighted in the generosity and openness of Americans!

When I came back to New Zealand, in the first month I received over two hundred letters. This was the days before the media revolution. I began to answer the letters, starting with the ones from people that I didn’t have a clue who they were! The people I was closest to could wait. The people I didn’t know answered. I replied to them again. The people I knew the best waited. And waited. And in the end, all drifted away.

These days I would not know who is dead and who is alive. These people are memories, but no longer personal friends. This seems to be the friendship cycle in my life.

For the past 1500 stories – and some music and poems as well – I have enjoyed the company of many – some for a long long time. I would like to mention names but won’t! Most I don’t know much about. Have you family? Where do you live? In many cases I’m not sure I even know your real name. That’s the strangeness of friends on the blogs! Some I have offended, and I’m sorry.

Thank you to all who walked all or part of the way with me (those of you who are still alive!) I have enjoyed the privilege of your company. I suspect there are other adventures waiting for me. I hope so.

I sometimes thought (in highfalutin moments) that some people (maybe creative-writing teachers) might like to use these stories as “starters” for their pupils to extend to new and exciting conclusions. There are enough weekly starters to last roughly 38 years before a teacher need begin to repeat! (Boring bloody teacher, repeating stuff after 38 years).

I wish you every possible wonderful thing for always.

Bruce

1126. The editing button

Talia had a blog. Who doesn’t? She put all her thoughts into the one basket. All her friends from school gave her lots of likes. In fact, Talia was Ms Popularity. Boys gave likes on her blog even if it was a girly subject like makeup.

And then Henrica stole Talia’s boyfriend.

Talia’s boyfriend was Judd. Talia called him “Judd the Stud”, and now Henrica, who had buck teeth, had pinched him.

Talia hatched a plot from her basket of thoughts. She posted the most beautiful blog. It was about summer flowers and gentle breezes, stormy skies and kitten’s sneezes. It almost went viral. Three hundred and seventy-two likes in one day! In one day!

Pressing the editing button, Talia deleted all she had written and replaced it with “Henrica Sorenson is a total bitch”. The “Likes” remained. Three hundred and seventy-two likes in one day! All agreeing that Henrica was a worthless wench!

Henrica overdosed on her father’s blood-pressure pills. Now Talia can get Judd back.

1113. News from Hickton-in-Sticks

It’s been a month now, perhaps six weeks, since the town of Hickton-in-Sticks got broadband. Mrs Myrtle Beech said it was a great disappointment. She had waited months, even years, to start a blog and thus far nothing had gone viral.

“Nothing has gone viral,” said Myrtle. “The whole thing’s a scam.”

Mr Bristol Port agreed.

“I’d looked forward to broadband excitedly,” said Bristol. “But once you’ve seen one porn site you’ve seen the lot. In fact I get a great deal more satisfaction looking into the mirror. It’s blown way out of proportion.”

Ms Savannah Field thought the whole thing was marvellous. She was the town’s school teacher and the online computer games at least got the kids off their phones.

“It’s great for me as a teacher,” said Savannah. “The kids log on first thing in the morning and by the end of the day they’re reluctant to go home. Computer games are certainly a great boon for a teacher, and getting broadband in Hickton-in-Sticks has improved the quality of education the kids are getting.”

“It’s a scam,” said Myrtle.

“It’s blown out of proportion,” said Bristol.

“Put it this way,” said Savannah. “Things have changed for the better since we’ve got broadband. In the last month only five people from Hickton-in-Sticks have committed suicide.”

962. Number of words

962words

Killian made it a principle of life to write something every day. He would sit at his desk at the same time each morning and begin to type. Sometimes the words flowed; sometimes not.

These days he had become bored. He needed a new sort of challenge. He thought he would pick a number at random – something between ten and one hundred and fifty. Then he would write a story using that exact number of words.

For example, today’s story is eighty four words. Make that eighty five. Eighty nine. Ninety one. Ninety three.

Oh God! What a stupid thing to do. One hundred and seven eight nine

854. How to properly

854write

Hi! This posting goes one step further. It will tell you how to properly write a blog about how to properly write a blog about how to properly write a blog. About a quarter of the blogs tell you how to properly write a blog about how to properly write a blog, and the other half tells you how to properly write a blog.

1. Dictate the style. Do you think style pops up out of the ether? That it happens all by itself? Of course it doesn’t. Style, let’s call it “fashion” for that’s what it is, is created by creative people. They don’t merely KNOW what people like; they create what people like. This year you will like this; next year you will like that. Every publisher goes along with that, otherwise they wouldn’t sell a thing. Shopping lists and stuff like that seem to be IN.

2. Dictate the subject matter. Be decisive. Grey was very much last year’s colour; or was that the year before? These days it’s not black and white; it’s black OR white. I’m not going to tell you what’s IN and what’s not. YOU determine that. YOU make the rules.

3. Don’t ever, EVER, use an adverb, not even inadvertently. Adverbs are out. They are quite unnecessary, and publishers hate them, and they will toss your work aside as quickly as they can scribble a rejection slip. Come to think of it, try to avoid the use of nouns. A noun is too definite. Who gave you the right to decide what other people think? If you must use a noun try to be as vaguely ambiguous as possible.

4. Don’t use the passive voice. Yes, I know Shakespeare had used it, but you want to write something that will last and can be understood. Who these days understands a word Shakespeare was saying? And the passive voice probably accounts for huge hunks of it. Anyway, the passive voice has been banished.

For more handy hints, one free editing of a small sample of your work, and a weekly course, you can join my writing circle for a mere $40 a week and learn how to properly write a blog about how to properly write a blog about how to properly write a blog properly.

768. Lavinia’s blog

768blog

My name is Lavinia. This is my blog. I call it Smudgy-Wudgy-Kitchy-Koo, Author. Here is today’s posting:

I would like to thank all my followers, and everyone who has given me a like. Without you no one would read my blog.

At the moment I have writer’s block. It’s terrible to be an author and have writer’s block. It’s when you can’t think of anything to say. That’s why I’m taking this opportunity to thank everyone who follows my blog, while I think of something to say.

Another thing I could do, while I have writers block, is to post some poems and to reblog my friends. Also, thank you to everyone who comments on my blog. I love getting comments and also on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr and if anyone wants to reblog this I would appreciate it and also give you a like. I have been reblogged eight times by my friends.

Also I want to thank Partridge in a Peach Tree for nominating my blog as the Most Inspiring Blog on the Web!!!! I have to say forty-one things about myself and nominate twenty-seven other inspiring bloggers who also have the most inspiring blogs on the web. I shall answer those questions in a future posting. Partridge in a Peach Tree yah!

Thank you for reading. And to think!!! This is only my second posting.