2615. The black tulip

Hans grew nothing but tulips in his garden. They were every colour and variety. What a glorious garden, especially in the spring! Hordes of people would stroll past his house to have a peek over the fence. (Actually he lived in a windmill but it was still his house). At the height of the flowering season Hans barely went inside to sleep, so wondrous were the tulips.

Then one day someone walking past pointed out something: the collection of tulips was racist. They were in every colour but black. Was this because Hans hated blacks? Hans pointed out that there was no such thing as a black tulip. Aha! So he was in favour of racial genocide as well. No blacks.

Hans dug up his garden. He declared that he would never grow another tulip until he had developed a black tulip. It would take pride of place in the garden. It took him years, but he succeeded. Once again tulips of all colours and shapes flowered in his garden. And how extraordinary the black tulip looked among them! People gazed in utter wonder. It wasn’t a “pretend” black tulip which is really a dark purple. It was solid black!

Then one day someone walking past pointed out something: the collection of tulips was racist. What right did a white person have to develop a black tulip? How presumptuous. It harkened back to the days of slavery when white people thought they could rule of over everything and everyone.

In shame Hans once again dug up his garden. Never again would he grow another tulip. The person who had complained managed to get hold of a bulb of the unique black tulip and sold it for a huge sum.

1456. The blue rose

You’ve probably heard of the black tulip, and likewise the blue rose. These days, with genetic engineering, nearly everything is possible. That’s why Belinda wasn’t at all surprised when she came across an advertisement for “100 seeds of a blue rose”. She thought it a little strange that she should grow roses from seed. Grafting seems to be more the norm.

Using her credit card, she bought 100 seeds for $10.73. The postage was included, which was great considering the seeds would be sent all the way from China.

The first things she noticed was that lots of money had gone from her bank account. It seemed that the 100 seeds were $10.73 each.

After several weeks she received a letter from Customs. Did she know there was a fine of $50,000 for trying to import illegally foreign seeds and vegetable matter into the country?

Belinda was desperate. She couldn’t afford that. She wrote to Customs and suggested they stuff the blue rose seeds where the sun doesn’t shine and she hoped they sprouted thorns.

Her expensive, and useless, lawyer intimated she might get out on parole in a couple of months.