Tag Archives: birthday

1605. Franklyn’s tiny tattoo

Franklyn had what seemed like a tiny tattoo between his thumb and forefinger on his left hand. It was more of a little scratch than a design. No one had really noticed it, except for Barbara. She’d asked Franklyn about it and he said that indeed it was a scratch. He’d been cleaning the wood burner, scratched his hand, and when the tiny wound healed it entrapped a bit of soot. Hence the tattoo.

Barbara had jokingly said that she never would have believed she’d fall in love with a man with a tattoo! And now she was invited to Franklyn’s twenty-fifth birthday party, and Barbara sensed that this was to be the big day. He would “pop the question”.

At the party there were quite a few familiar faces, and quite a few friends of Franklyn that she had never met before. Barbara moved through the room, introducing herself and, in fact, charming many. It was then she noticed something strange. Franklyn was not the only one with a tiny tattoo between his thumb and forefinger. Rick had one, as did Dave. Barbara quietly observed. In the end she counted eight guests, all males, with the tiny tattoo.

She asked Franklyn about it. That night, Barbara died in her sleep.

Bloody aliens.

1569. A birthday treat

(The closing sentence for this story was suggested by Alex of Alex Raphael.)

Now that I’m older (I should perhaps say “old) I look back at my childhood and marvel. There were four of us, Natalie, Bevin, Cordelia, and myself. Our parents didn’t have much to go on. Dad was injured in the First World War and was frequently in hospital. It was his knees. Our mother made ends meet by cleaning other people’s houses. But us kids never went without.

When I say “never went without” I don’t mean luxuries like ice cream and vacations in Paris, I mean we had enough food (usually), and clothes to keep us warm, and school stuff. I realize now that our parents frequently went without themselves.

It was my eighth birthday. We never got much for our birthday, except perhaps a special cake our mother would bake, or maybe some homemade party hats, or some oranges. It was always a treat. On this particular birthday all four of us kids were messing around down at the creek, and we heard our mother call “Yoo-hoo, children!” It was a hot summer’s day. It was cool messing down in the creek.

“Yoo-hoo, children! Yoo-hoo!”

“What is it?” we called.

“Yoo-hoo children! I have a treat! It’s a watermelon!”

A watermelon! We’d never had a watermelon before! We started running immediately.

1560. Blind date

Hayley didn’t think it at all funny. Her best friend, Jocelyn, at her high school had set her up with a blind date. Hayley didn’t have anyone to go with to Meghan’s birthday party so Jocelyn arranged for Hayley to go with Samson who went to a private school.

When Hayley saw Samson she was thunderstruck. Jocelyn hadn’t told her that Samson walked with crutches. Apart from hobbling along he was fairly good looking, but Hayley’s face was a giveaway; she was shocked. In the meantime, Jocelyn screamed with laughter. She thought it the funniest thing since… since… since sliced bread.

“You never told me he was a spastic,” said Hayley. She said that to Jocelyn right in front of Samson’s face, like he wasn’t there; like she didn’t care that he used crutches and that he was worthless and stuff.

Samson was used to it. Dozens of people every day would throw him on the trash heap because he couldn’t walk properly. It hurt his feelings but every insult made him even more determined to succeed in life.

“I’m not going to the birthday party,” said Hayley. And she didn’t. “Who wants to go to Meghan’s birthday party with a paroxysmal yob?”

That was years ago. Samson went to the birthday party with Chrissie from down the road, and they eventually got married and had a heap of kids. And when they grew old Samson and Chrissie had a pile of grand and great grandchildren.

In the meantime, Hayley was still looking for Mr. Right to take her to… to anywhere.

1376. Big jump

Florrie was not one to sit back and let life stop because she was getting older. For her seventy-fifth birthday she had organised a parachute jump. She would be strapped to a hopefully handsome muscular young man and they would jump out of the plane. He would guide her safely to the ground.

Well, the truth was, upon arrival at the venue Florrie discovered that the young man wasn’t as muscular and strapping as she’d hoped. That didn’t greatly matter of course; she was in it for the big jump.

And jump they did! Happy seventy-fifth, Florrie! It was most unfortunate that the parachute didn’t open.

1349. Seventieth birthday

It was Ferdinand’s seventieth birthday coming up. Quite frankly, he was excited about it. His wife had passed on, but he had three sons, and there were three daughters-in-law and seven grandchildren. No doubt they would all come to celebrate his special birthday!

Of course, Ferdinand didn’t say anything – he wanted it a secret, but he wondered what they had planned. He hoped it wouldn’t be too big. Having the family around for a light lunch would be enough. He would open all the presents they gave him (what does one give a seventy year old for his birthday?) and hopefully there’d be a cake to cut after blowing out seventy candles. It doesn’t take much to delight a seventy year old – especially when surrounded by grandchildren.

Anyway, that was last week. He’s still waiting.

1270. A lonesome birthday

Devon lived alone. It was the depth of winter, and it happened to be his birthday.

Devon had meticulously planned his solo celebration. He made a steak and kidney pie (his favourite but he reserved it for special occasions) and a lemon and honey cheesecake (his favourite but he reserved it for special occasions). To go with it, he had purchased a big can of Trappist Lager (his favourite but he reserved it for special occasions).

The log fire was blazing. Devon laid his pyjamas, slippers, and dressing gown near the fire so they would be warm and cosy when he got out of the shower.

In the shower he sang “Happy Birthday to Me” at the top of his voice, dried himself and walked naked (who cares when one lives alone?) to the fireplace.

SURPRISE! SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! shouted everyone.

1257. Next year

It was Beryl’s birthday coming up. Grandma Nola went shopping.

“Have you got any of those summer hats that fold up tiny and you can slip into your pocket?” asked Grandma Nola of the shop assistant.

“I’m sorry,” said the shop assistant, “but we’re sold out.”

“That’s alright,” said Grandma Nola. “I’ll shop for it earlier next year.”

“My granddaughter likes to go hiking. Have you got any of those silver blanket things that fold up tiny and you can slip into it and not get hypothermia if you’re lost overnight in the forest?” asked Grandma Nola of the shop assistant.

“I’m sorry,” said the shop assistant, “but we’re sold out.”

“That’s alright,” said Grandma Nola. “I’ll shop for it earlier next year.”

“Have you got any of those things you wind when you want to recharge your cell phone and there’s no power connection? Like when you’re stuck up a mountain and your cellophane’s flat and it’s an emergency,” asked Grandma Nola of the shop assistant.

“I’m sorry,” said the shop assistant, “but we’re sold out.”

“That’s alright,” said Grandma Nola. “I’ll shop for it earlier next year.”

But what Grandma Nola didn’t know was that for her there would be no next year.

1160. No nonsense

There could be no doubt that Nurse Frieda was efficient. People suspected she was soft as butter underneath, but no one ever saw it. And since when was butter soft, especially if it was cold?

Nurse Frieda was ideal for the old peoples’ hospital. A command was a command. “Get in the shower” meant “Get in the shower”. “Eat your vegetables” meant “Eat your vegetables”.

How exciting it was that Marlene was about to turn 100! “A hundred is a hundred” said Nurse Frieda, and indeed it was, although one couldn’t help but get a little excited. After all, Marlene was expecting a congratulatory telegram from the monarch of England, and there would be a cake and candles, and perhaps even a little sip of wine.

Marlene was born at quarter past six in the morning of October 20th. At midnight, Marlene declared that she had reached 100! Her birthday had arrived!

Unfortunately Marlene died suddenly at a quarter to five. “Strictly speaking she never reached 100,” declared Nurse Frieda. She took the congratulatory telegram and screwed it up. She took the candles off the cake. “She certainly didn’t reach 100. Goodness me! Let’s be clear about that.”

It’s always good to have someone in an old peoples’ hospital who accepts no nonsense.

1147. Happy birthday darling

I can’t believe how the time has flown. Persia turns twelve today! It seems just like yesterday that she was born. Doctors said my wife couldn’t have babies. It was a grievous blow, and then Persia came into our lives. My wife has some Iranian connections, so that’s where the name Persia comes from.

Persia has been the joy of our lives. We always wanted a girl, and it was a girl we got. Coming home from work every weekday, it’s such a joy to have Persia greet me. I have never not felt the excitement. Tonight I brought home some special things to celebrate, and celebrate we shall. Also, my wife has had hidden away a little parcel as a birthday surprise. It’s a secret!

Happy Birthday, darling Persia!

As you can see, we really love our cat.

1076. Ferris wheel ride

Petronella always went to a lot of trouble when it came to finding her son the right birthday present. Jason’s eleventh birthday was coming up and she knew exactly what to give him: a day’s pass to the local adventure playground.

She dropped Jason and a friend off at the entrance and told them to be good and enjoy themselves.

When Jason was at the top of the Ferris wheel it jammed. Jason panicked. He screamed. Eventually he was rescued.

Petronella’s birthday gift to her son lasted a life time; for the rest of his life he had a fear of heights.