Tag Archives: bash

1696. Bumping into people

Gary was the biggest bully this side of the Berlin Wall. Or he would have been if the Berlin Wall was still standing.

If some kid was walking along at school and eating something, like a bun or a piece of cake, Gary would accidentally bump into them so that the thing the kid was holding in his hand dropped onto the ground.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the victim would say.

“I’m sorry too,” Gary would say. “Real sorry.” And he would accidentally step on the dropped food and squashed it into the ground.

All the kids were scared of him.

One day, it was not at school but on the street, Gary bumped into a kid from school who was eating an ice cream. The ice cream fell to the ground. The kid from school had had enough. He bashed Gary up good and proper.

“We should learn not to be violent,” the principal said on Monday morning. The kid got “ten hours of community service”. Gary continues to bump into people. He’s such a friendly chap.

1447. The engagement photo

Yes, this is a photo of me and my fiancé. We never married of course. We were engaged for just a short time. Our marriage was arranged, as indeed they were for many back then. Arranged marriages seemed to work well enough. You’d fall in love over time without usually having to spend energy on the lovey-dovey stage.

Hector and I had met just the twice, and he was to visit me again. In those days it took two days to travel from where he lived to my village. He had to catch a number of trains and a ferry. And arrive he did! I had spent all day perfecting my looks and hair. It wasn’t so much vanity, as nerves. One strives to look as elegant as possible for these pre-arranged liaisons.

Hector and I walked to the village hall where the dance was to be held. He was very handsome, and so very courteous and polite. As soon as we walked in the hall he said, “Whose that?” and I said “That’s Mabel Hussleworth. She’s engaged to Anton Gorinski.”

The announcement of her engagement didn’t seem to register. He danced with Mabel all night, and I, a wall flower for but a short time, danced the rest of the night away with Mabel’s fiancé, Anton. In fact, we have danced the rest of our lives away, and coming next Friday we will have been married for thirty-nine years.

Mabel and Hector tied the knot as well. I’ve kept the engagement photograph of me and Hector as a reminder of how lucky I was to have escaped getting married to a serial wife basher. Mabel I believe is in a wheelchair, and he murdered his second wife.