Tag Archives: bananas

1919. A gated community

(Hi everyone – I’m possibly going to have a few days off, not from posting but from commenting – as one has to on WP now and again just to keep normal!)

Romualda had lived for a good two months in her new house in the fairly exclusive gated community of Cloudsome Heights. Thus far she hadn’t met a single neighbour. Then suddenly, without knowing who she was, Romualda met Yvette. Romualda was in the supermarket selecting a bunch of Ecuadorian bananas. If there’s the slightest touch of black on a single banana the bunch doesn’t last as long, so it pays to check thoroughly before squandering money on a bunch that would quickly go off. After all, she lived alone. It’s not as if a whole family was into helping to devour them. A touch of black would ruin the whole bunch. And then…

“You must be Romualda,” said Yvette who had just grabbed a bag of pears next to the bananas.

“Yes,” said Romualda, “but I must be honest. I’m not sure if we’ve met. How do you do?”

“You’ve recently moved into our gated community,” said Yvette not introducing herself. “There are quite a few people who are not happy about it.”

“Unhappy about what?” asked Romualda.

“About you moving into Cloudsome Heights, as I just said.”

“I wasn’t aware I wasn’t welcome,” said Romualda. “Is it because I live alone?”

“Goodness me, no,” said Yvette. “We’re not like that at Cloudsome Heights! It’s because…”

“Because what?” asked Romualda, by now slightly rattled.

Suddenly a rather buxom woman pushed her shopping trolley into Romualda.

“Oh I’m so sorry,” said the buxom woman to Romualda. “But you’re blocking access to the bananas.”

“I’m sorry,” said Romualda moving away toward the vegetable section.

“Well?” asked the buxom lady to Yvette. “Did you tell her she’s not welcome in Cloudsome Heights?”

“No. But I’m pretty sure she now knows that a touch of black on a banana will ruin the whole bunch.”

1640. Bananas

Paddy liked bananas. The trouble was he used to stuff them in his mouth instead of biting a bit off the end. It drove his mother, quite frankly, bananas. She said:

“Why can’t you eat a banana nicely instead of stuffing it in your mouth? Eat it nicely; like a gorilla.”

In fact Paddy had seen gorillas at the zoo eating bananas. They would peel them nicely and bite a mouthful off at the end.

The other kids at school had seen Paddy eat a banana and instantly gave him the nickname of “Monkey”. In fact, when it came to the classroom singing time, the other boys would sing:

With a knick-knack paddywhack,
Give the monkey a banana…

It made the teacher very annoyed.

There was no changing the way Paddy would eat a banana. Even when he grew up and got married his wife would say:

“Why can’t you eat a banana nicely instead of stuffing it in your mouth? Eat it nicely; like a gorilla.”

And then quite a few years later, when he went to the Old Peoples Retirement Village, there were a couple of old men who had gone to school with Paddy and they would sing:

With a knick-knack paddywhack,
Give the monkey a banana…

For Paddy it was all water off a duck’s back. He took no notice. Being deaf has some advantages.