1813. It’s all in the telling

Every scar tells a story. Barry knew that. It’s why he wore his shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Everyone in the classes he taught would see the scar that ran up the underside of his arm from the wrist to the elbow.

“How did you get the scar, sir?” asked a pupil in his algebra class.

“It’s a scar from when I got by-pass surgery done on my heart,” said Barry. “They take a blood vessel out of your arm and replace a clogged up blood vessel that goes into the heart. It’s quite a common operation.”

No one believed him. It’s all in the telling. Barry knew that the real story would leak out; how he and his now ex-wife were visiting the zoo and his wife had shoved Barry towards an over-excited chimpanzee. The chimp tried to protect its baby and clawed Barry on the arm leaving blood everywhere and in the long run a permanent scar.

“How did you get the scar, sir?” asked a pupil in the following year’s algebra class.

“It’s a scar from when I got by-pass surgery done on my heart,” said Barry.

No one believed him. It’s all in the telling. Barry knew that the real story would leak out; how he had been leading the famous car race in the Isle of Man when his vehicle skidded off the road and into a tree. The accident required extensive surgery to his arm.

“How did you get the scar, sir?” asked a pupil in the following year’s algebra class.

“It’s a scar from when I got by-pass surgery done on my heart,” said Barry.

No one believed him. It’s all in the telling. Barry knew that the real story would leak out; how he had jumped between a mad gunman and a little old lady. He saved the lady, but the bullet grazed his arm and it required surgery.

“How did you get the scar, sir?” asked a pupil in the following year’s algebra class.

534. An algebraic episode

For months Andreas had watched Stephanie. Not in a Peeping Tom, ogling, lecherous sort of way. He had noticed her. Then he found himself attracted to her, and thinking about her.

He would “accidently” make sure their paths crossed, and say a friendly “Hi!” Hopefully a pleasant conversation would follow.

They were students at university. They were both taking a paper on Foundations of Algebra, Analysis and Topology. It just so happened that Andreas was near the top of the class and Stephanie was struggling. Could she come to his place and get some help? Of course she could! Of course she could! Of course she could!

My goodness! Did Andreas clean his house! Dinner could have been eaten off the toilet seat. Everything was perfect. He even had a nonchalant vase of flowers plonked carefully on his little dining table where he and Stephanie would sit (together) and work on their algebra.

And she arrived! Stephanie arrived! She rang the doorbell! She was on the door step! His doorstep!

They sat next to each other at the table. Their knees almost touched. Andreas farted. It was a quiet one. It was the smelliest fart he had ever done in his entire life.