(Bits of this story are pinched from Virginia Woolf)
It was not to be Orlando’s lucky day. He was about to put his head in the gas oven when he realized he couldn’t reach the knobs to turn it on while his head was so low. So he had to get up from his kneeling position and just as he did his sister barged in and said, Oh! I see you’re about to cook and I was going to invite you for dinner this evening. We’re having guests. They are from the Netherlands and I know you speak a bit of Dutch.
I don’t speak much Dutch really, said Orlando, but I suppose I’ll come if it would help.
It certainly would help, said Orlando’s sister – whose name was Bridie. Apparently they can’t speak English and having someone there who knows the odd Dutch word would be a great help.
So Orlando went along and he’d never met a couple so rude in his life. Arrogant. Haughty. Conceited. Completely up themselves. Totally superior. He hated them.
Bridie had a gas oven and when they found him he was beyond recovery.
Weave a Web 
Well, that was his intention all along…
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He was lucky his sister had a gas oven.
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You’ve said bits of story are pinched from Woolf. Ending is certainly your own even if it smacks of Hardy.
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The ending is in fact Virginia Woolf’s almost verbatim in her novel “Orlando”. It was one of the biggest shocks I ever got when reading, along with another Virginia Woolf thing in “To the Lighthouse” when one of the main characters suddenly died IN PARANTHESIS! It blew my mind! Permanently!
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The Dutch can do that to you (not all of them, of course, I’m not phobic!)
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Where I live they make beautiful cheese so all is forgiven!
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Agreed and don’t forget the tulips! My Dutch colleagues when I was a researcher were fine – a little odd, but nice
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