Zelda and I are getting a divorce. We met nine years ago while working for the Forest and Bird Society – mainly dealing with the recently extinct Somes Island Tufted Titmouse (Baeolophus somes). When we started our interest in the bird there were barely a hundred of them remaining. Now that they are extinct there really is very little that Zelda and I have in common. In fact we can’t seem to agree on anything.
Just last month we caught what we thought was the last Somes Island Tufted Titmouse in existence. After I had plucked and gutted it Zelda wanted to grill it. I said, you’ve had the Somes Island Tufted Titmouse grilled dozens of times but we rarely eat it roasted. Why don’t we roast it for a change – with a rhubarb sauce? But Zelda was having none of it. She wanted it grilled and that was it.
Just a few days later Zelda came across what seemed like a nest of recently laid eggs. There were four eggs, pale blue with dark brown spots. “Look!” she said, “the Somes Island Tufted Titmouse is not extinct after all. Look at these four eggs.”
Well, she had been pig-headed about grilling what we thought was the last specimen, so I said “We don’t want to ruin a good thing.” I squashed the four eggs with my fist just to teach her a good lesson.
So you can see why I want a divorce. I had hoped to publish a book of recipes called “Culinary Capers and the Somes Island Tufted Titmouse”. Seems a waste of time now.