2357. Let’s hear from the expert

Interviewer Fiona: Welcome to the Fiona Stratski Hour. Tonight’s guest has a fabulous history in fighting street crime. You won’t want to miss it. And so, Harold, thank you for coming on the show. I appreciate it very much. You are an expert on petty crime and it’s a topic that badly needs some clear thinking in this day and age. The percentage of petty thefts, especially in lingerie stores, has sky-rocketed over the past twelve months. Not just fancy lingerie but basic underwear such as boxers and sheer lace negligées and the like, and yet my mother-in-law couldn’t find anything that would satisfy her needs – she takes a bigger fit – after her local underwear store had been plundered by feckless thieves and also she couldn’t find any butter this was in a separate store because the place she usually buys butter of course is not in the same department store and you being an expert on the problem know exactly what needs to be done by the state’s attorney general and yet she seems hell-bent on making everyone’s life miserable by  releasing prisoners and letting them roam freely on streets ready to mug old women and push them into the path of oncoming trains. We’ve only thirty seconds left. Your comment? I mean we can’t sit around and let such things happen and do nothing and the district attorneys have to take some responsibility for the chaos that seems to govern our society today.

Harold the Expert: Yes, and…

Interviewer Fiona: And it’s not just underpants and butter it’s every commodity under the sun and it’s not that the goods can’t get from the airports and seaports to the stores it’s more that once the goods are here they get freely plundered mercilessly by thieves with a record and no conscience.

Harold the Expert: Thanks for having me on your show, Fiona. Your monologue at the start was exactly what people need to hear, and you seem to be the only one who had the guts to talk about it. You ask a good question and thank you for asking it and…

Interviewer Fiona: That’s all we have time for. Thanks to my guest, Harold the Expert for his in-depth analysis. Don’t forget to set your video recorder so as not to miss a word that falls from my lips, and remember, we are the program that stands up for the little people from sea to shining sea. And don’t forget to subscribe to my podcast and buy my book.