2301. The study of Earthlings

Earthlings are so tasteless. I don’t mean we eat them; I mean they don’t have much judgement when it comes to being classy. No taste. Four of us landed on Planet Earth several months ago and we have merged into the crowd while we observe Earthling behaviour.

The first thing I dislike very much is having to wear big plastic earrings with numbers on them. Mine are blue. Some others wear yellow. There doesn’t seem to be much variety in colour, not to mention variation in design. Of course we wear the horrible things to “merge in” but just how tasteless can one get?

Secondly, these Earthlings are extremely lazy. They have these two-legged servants – slaves I would call them – who do all the work. They feed the Earthlings, they milk the Earthlings, they move the Earthlings into different fields so that they have a change of view. The Earthlings do nothing for themselves. It is all done by their two-legged slaves.

The third most noticeable thing is that they have a pretty limited vocabulary. They seem to make the same word have different meanings according to the context and the intonation. I suppose it could best be described as “Blluhhhh”, although Astrzinia from our group reckons it sounds more like “Moooo”. Whatever.

Thankfully our time studying the Earthlings is drawing to a close and I’ll be able to take off these ridiculous earrings. I look forward to being able to have a decent conversation once again. And as for those two-legged servants – goodness gracious! They’re more of a nuisance than anything else. Astrzinia is taking a couple of the two-legged servants back home with her to put in the local zoo.

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