2270. On a mission

Laurie was the grumpiest man on the street; in fact he was possibly the grumpiest man in the town. He grew strawberries in his garden, and one thing was certain: none of the sweetness of strawberries had rubbed off on him.

He would sell strawberries at his gate in little plastic containers. There was an honesty box. Some people thought he under-charged but he said if the price was too low then people were welcome to go to the supermarket and purchase the more expensive, sourer, inferior strawberries. The supermarket manager resented that Laurie had labelled his strawberries as inferior. Laurie was undercutting business.

Further down the road, in fact on a nearby but different street, lived Velda. She would buy quite a few of Laurie’s strawberries apparently to make jam. She didn’t make much of a profit with the jam she said but it was an interest. It fills in a rainy day – as she was wont to say.

Laurie didn’t like Velda making jam with his strawberries. Adding sugar to his carefully grown fruit was a sacrilege. One day he saw Velda coming with a pram (she always brought an old pram to load it up and push the strawberries to her house). He rushed out to his gate and informed Velda that he didn’t like her buying so many of his strawberries. “There are other people in the world that might enjoy some.”

“Oh,” said Velda, “I was just coming to tell you that I heard several of the fruit in your garden have been injected with poison. I wouldn’t touch a single strawberry for the rest of the year if I were you.”

And Velda sauntered off to the supermarket where she triumphantly announced to her husband, the Manager: “Mission accomplished”.

20 thoughts on “2270. On a mission

  1. umashankar

    No wonder Laurie was the grumpiest man in town. Ancient scriptures say that antidote to poisoned strawberry plants is the juice extracted from the liver of a supermarket manager. It may appear that supermarket is an anachronism here but careful contemplation of the matter would reveal that such outlets run by influential merchants were very much in existence in olden days, as were the incidents of poisoning of strawberry plants that were frequently restored to health by sprinkling of the liquids drawn from the livers of the store managers, which also explains why these merchants were perennially recruiting new employees. It was also well understood that the store managers had to be butchered by the grumpiest of killers. As a matter of fact, ancient laws provided for exceptional exemption to such killers from execution in the larger interests of both society and strawberries.

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  2. Sarah Angleton

    Why didn’t Velda just buy all the strawberries and then sell them for a profit at the market where people would have to buy them because Laurie had run out? Although poison is more fun. I mean, telling someone there is poison is more fun. Actually poisoning someone’s fruit supply is no fun at all. Or so I assume.

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  3. Andrea Stephenson

    Over here they now sell what they call ‘wonky’ fruit and veg in the supermarket – basically it’s produce that comes in the natural shapes they would have done before this age of everything having to be uniform. It would normally not have got into the supermarket but now it does and you pay a bit less for it….a ridiculous world…..

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