2134. You are being watched

Sometimes (quite often actually) I feel as if I’m being watched. It’s nothing really. It’s just that every time I go somewhere everyone and everything looks. In fact, once or twice I’ve put my hands into my pockets just to ascertain whether or not I remembered to put on my pants.

There’s nothing unusual about my appearance that I know of. I’m really quite ordinary to look at. In fact, when I left my home planet (somewhere up near Sirius – I’m not allowed to say) I thought the Department of Shape-Changing did a pretty good job of making me look like an ordinary Earthling.

But here on Earth it’s mainly the cows that stare. I know that the Crowdacians (they’re from a planet fairly close to mine, and they’re our greatest enemy) take on the appearance of a cattle beast. They’re so good at it that often I can’t tell a real cow from a Crowdacian. The Cow is one look that our Department of Shape-Changing has never been able to master.

So when I see a herd of cattle I stop. They all stare, and I shout: “Ha! Ha! Ha! Milking time! Go home! Milking time!” That usually sorts them out. The fake-cow-Crowdacians can’t stand that. They stamp their feet and drool at the mouth. So that’s one way I get to determine who is who.

But now I’m faced with a terrible conundrum. To make myself appear even more normal of a human being I got myself a pet cat. Every second Earthling seems to have a pet cat. And now I’ve discovered that my cat in fact is a Midconsevarian in disguise. At first I didn’t know where the planet was that Midconsevarians came from. But now I know and it’s not nice. I love my cat but have strict orders from my Department of Shape-Changing that I shouldn’t associate.

What am I to do? Everything and everyone stares. I love my pet cat. I want to go home. I asked to be relieved of this terrible cross (goodness, I seem to be taking on the language of an Earthling religion). I have been told that I am on a sixty year contract to stay on Earth.

So a warning to others: think twice before volunteering to do a spell on Earth. It can really suck.

50 thoughts on “2134. You are being watched

  1. badfinger20 (Max)

    File a interplanetary complaint. Do what Herb said…find a lawyer…better known as “daemoniums” (that is latin for Demon) and they are from the planet Infernum.
    After they are done with you…people will be staring because you will be flat broke and without your cat…so serve your 60 years and be happy.


          1. badfinger20 (Max)

            You should have seen what I was going to post.

            I lived next to a pasture before that contained cows. Many mornings I would get ready to get in my car and feel something staring at me…I would look around and at least 9-10 cows were just staring at me.
            Are they curious animals? I felt like they were planning something.

            Liked by 2 people

              1. badfinger20 (Max)

                That would be a great photo. It was just surreal looking around and they act like they are scheming something together…the fun stopped when the owners got a Donkey to put with them and he would be quiet until your back was turned and then made the loudest noise known to man…I would jump a mile.

                Liked by 2 people

  2. umashankar

    It is an immensely engrossing story. I could deeply empathise with the condition of the protagonist, enjoy his dilemma of sorting out the cows from Crowdacians, and feel sorry for the complications he has run into with the cat. And all this means it is a great piece of fiction.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sarah Angleton

    I would think that having a cat you love, but also kind of mistrust and that shows you nothing but total disdain would help you blend pretty perfectly into the human population. What could be more earthling-like than that? Actually, you’ve got me wondering if there really is such a thing as a cat or if they are all just Midconservians.

    Liked by 1 person


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