My thanks to each and every one of you for coming to this group session. Now that we have finished our coffee and cookies, if you would like to take a seat and we shall discuss the causes of why you are here: what is the root cause of why each of you suffers from low self-esteem? I know the course is expensive but I believe it will be worth every penny.
When someone comes to see me for therapy, it is usually clear early on if they have poor self-esteem. It shows up in their language, in how they talk about themselves, and it shows up in their non-verbal communication such as their body language.
For people such as yourselves with low self-esteem, I make it a priority to find out how the outside world valued you when you were young, and how as adults you can now determine your own value.
This can be hard and take time to achieve, so I have saved you the trouble by poisoning your coffee and cookies and none of you will ever have to worry about low self-esteem again. You, to be quite honest, are the dregs of society, and I have arranged for a garbage truck to wait at the back door and you’ll be loaded into it – at this stage dead or alive – to be taken to the town dump.
All doors, except the back door, are locked. Have a nice day and thanks for your money.