Poem 102: A Monologue on the Eternal Banquet

And here in heaven at the Eternal Banquet
there’s strawberries and cream.
I’m not fond of strawberries, I once said.
Everyone was shocked. They like strawberries.
Just eat the whipped cream, says one, rather than insult the Cook.
You’d think with all the resources up here and stuff like that
they could provide more variety.
But no! When Adam and Eve arrived they said everyone would want
strawberries and cream. Certainly nothing with apples.
Strawberries three times a day. Full stop. Period. Permanently.

Then Queen Elizabeth the First of England
(she’s got really fat – I mean really really fat)
says that if I want variety I should go to the other place.
Hell, I say, what do they eat down there?
Raw quince and crab apples.
All day and every day with no whipped cream.
They’re all skinny as rakes.
For a special occasion they get an uncooked cooking apple.
Well, I say, it sounds like that other place sucks.
So I get stuck into my strawberries and cream.
I’ve been here two hundred and eleven years now
and have never got used to the diet.

Once in a blue moon, for a special occasion,
we have a big feast;
like the other day when Abraham and Sarah celebrated
their four thousandth year since getting pregnant.
We all got a dry pink wafer cookie
stuck in the strawberry concoction.
Honestly, I crave a hotdog.
I wouldn’t mind if it came poked into the whipped cream.

The other day some visitors popped over from
the Conservative Sector for a social visit.
They took one look and said, Bloody hell!
Is that all you eat? You need to sack the Cook.
So we’re having a meeting about it, all fifteen billion of us.
The angel in charge said a decision has to have a 100% consensus
before any changes can be made around here.
That’s impossible, especially with some of the politicians in our Sector.
I’m not putting much hope on our chances of firing the Cook.
Besides, God loves to personally prepare the strawberries for us Liberals.
It’s the reward we get for being always right.
Bon appétit.

To hear the poem read aloud click HERE.

11 thoughts on “Poem 102: A Monologue on the Eternal Banquet

  1. Vishal D

    Brilliant! A conservative and a liberal sector in heaven! Too bad you were always right when ya lived down here, hobnobbing with your current PM, restricting free speech, giving ambiguous answers about the legalisation of marijuana, enforcing draconian lockdowns and all. If you were a sleazy conservative bigot (like the liberals who’re always right call them, and they’re right!) maybe you’d have gotten a greasy T Bone Steak, or some Gator and gravy!

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Thank you! And it was a pleasure when you visited us the other day from your Sector. Originally I had Catholics and Protestants but changed it to liberals and conservatives at the last minute. I won’t tell you whether it was Catholics or Protestants that God prepared the strawberries for!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

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