When Bridie went shopping for stuff for the evening meal she had no idea it was all a waste of time. She would be dead as a doornail when the time came for her to peel a potato. She’d be sprawled on the kitchen floor, potato peeler in hand, and surrounded by four uncooked chicken drumsticks haphazardly lying on the kitchen linoleum.
Luckily the cat would spend the next few days enjoying the drumsticks, because Bridie and her medical event weren’t discovered until Wednesday and she had dropped dead on the Monday.
Dora from next door had made the discovery when she noticed that Bridie’s kitchen window had not been shut for the last two days. Bridie had always been careful with security. One had to take special care when one lived alone. Rather foolishly, when Dora discovered the two-day dead corpse she phoned for an ambulance! As if the ambulance people could work a miracle and bring a completely dead (as a doornail) corpse back to life!
Dora had been just about ready to go into town when she thought she had better check on the open kitchen window next door. The discovery of course threw a spanner in the works. It was now late afternoon and Dora still hadn’t got anything for the evening meal.
When Dora went shopping for stuff for the evening meal she had no idea it was all a waste of time. She would be dead as a doornail when the time came for her to crush a couple of garlic cloves. She’d be sprawled on the kitchen floor, garlic press in hand, and surrounded by three unchopped carrots haphazardly lying on the kitchen linoleum.
Fortunately Dora didn’t have a cat; fortunate because cats don’t eat carrots.
Weave a Web 
Did Dora at least have rabbits?
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No – she had several donkeys but they were rarely allowed in the kitchen because they couldn’t fit through the cat door. Speaking of which – you people who live in the boonies (which we would say live in the whop-whops) in America probably wouldn’t have cat doors because of wild cat-eating animals?? We have several such doors and the cat is free to come and go and roam forever free day and night. No coyotes etc! Do you get wild animals on your plot of land?
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We have wild animals like Foxes, Raccoons, and Squirrels…oh and snakes. Rattlesnakes, Copperheads, and Cottonmouths…also nice ones. Many people have cat doors here but I wouldn’t want to wake up to a Raccoon or snake in my house…No Coyotes where we are.
We thought about a dog door but for a Saint Bernard it would have been huge so we just let her out when she needs to go outside.
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OMG – when I lived in NC I ran over a copperhead with the ride on lawn mower. And I got bitten by a snake in the dark – I had fang holes in my leg. I thought I was getting the flu and didn’t know about the fang holes until I had recovered! Don’t know what the snake was. I door for a St Bernard would be about as big as a normal door!
They now have collars for cats so that only the animal wearing it can release the cat door to open. The only thing that might get inside would be other cats and perhaps Australian possums.
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Oh geez Bruce…you could have died with that bite… the only good thing is we never see the bad snakes hardly at all here…they are lurking but never come out near people usually. Chicken Snakes and the like we see all of the time…they are good though….they eat mice.
Yea the door we got at one time would have let a smalll horse in our house…I said no way.
That is a good idea about the collar…I would actually do that with our Saint if she was the only one that could open it. She stay inside mostly…she has to because of the heat in the summer.
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Oh for a bit of the summer you referenced. It’s summer here now and yesterday I wore three jackets when I went outside it was so wet and cold. No kidding.
My leg went all blue with the snake and I thought the veins were going to burst! I’m glad I didn’t know it was a snake until later as I would’ve gone to the hospital and I was in the States without insurance!!
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We just got a half inch of ice with 3 inches of snow on top of it…in the north…that is not a big deal…anywhere near Nashville…that shuts everything down.
You are very fortunate! The only thing that would leave marks like that would be a spider. That is not always better either. It sounds like a brown recluse if it wasn’t a snake.
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I had some sleepy lizards enter my abode via the cat door; they were faster learners than my cat. The snakes didn’t work it out, thank goodness.
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Interesting that the two were neighbors and found the same way. I originally thought that with Bridie it might be fowl play but after Dora I don’t know what to think.
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Next door to Dora on the other side from Bridie lived a guy called Herb. He hated carrots, and was vegan.
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Hmmm…Sounds sinister. And he is left-handed…but he a really rotten Vegan. That’s why they kicked him off the planet and exiled him to Earth…
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I always suspected him of being an alien.
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Explains a few things, doesn’t it?
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We came home one time and the cat flap was gone; just a rectangle space in the wood. Well, you think immediately ‘cat burglar’. Upstairs, on our bed – quite at home, napping – was a big fat old tom, not ours, w e a r i n g the cat flap (the frame, the flap, everything) like some sort of plastic girdle!
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Ha! That is very funny!!
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That is so funny, Nick.
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The scene Nick has set would make such a great cartoon. Are there any talented artists among your fans, Bruce Almighty?
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There’s some fabulous artists but I’m not sure about cartoonists.
When I was looking for a house (and ended up living where I am now) the rental agency said the place was unlocked so just wander through. I wandered through and even took a photo of the cat asleep on an unmade bed! Later I discovered I was at the wrong house!!
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That’s my boy!
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She always could have gone with a horse, or a pig or something. Also, Bridie is quite a name.
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I’ve known several Bridies – not in the Biblical sense. In fact no one as far as I can remember – in the Biblical sense. Why she didn’t go with a horse – ahhhhh – the mind boggles.
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Indeed.
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I can see the seeds of a clockwork orange here.
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The only thing I can remember about the movie (which I saw years and years ago) is the bare-breasted drinks dispensers in the pub.
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