2042. A secretary’s report

I never like it much when a committee I belong to elects me as its secretary for a meeting. It has happened quite a few times throughout my short life. It was an initial thrill to be chosen to represent Planet Earth at a meeting of COPP (Coalition of Populated Planets). There were forty-three other planets represented. These forty-three members had been meeting for years. This was the first time Earth had been invited to the discussion. It was exciting! but then they went and elected me as secretary. I presume they did so to shut me up. I guess I should be pleased, but a chore is a chore.

The subject of the meeting was “Whether to invite Planet Earth to become a permanent member of the Coalition of Populated Planets.” I should make it clear from the start that I had recused myself, even though I didn’t have the right to vote anyway. Oicurmt from Planet Cuzique suggested that my very act of recusal when it wasn’t even applicable was reason enough to bar Earth from joining. “We don’t want stupidity to enter into COPP. Nonsense! Complete balderdash! Utter rubbish! Silliness has reached new heights! It’s bonkers! Nincompoopery at the apex of ridiculousness!”

Pkjzqqht from Planet Bvdcjllp (these Bvdcjllpians always seem to have unpronounceable names) thought that leaders on Planet Earth were two-faced. “They haven’t yet proved that what they say and what they do is the same thing.” “Yes!” agreed Oicurmt from Planet Cuzique. “It’s stark raving stupidity! Madness! I’ve never heard of anything so loony in all my life!”

Yulululu of Planet Kangaflufu said that Planet Earth’s preference for war over negotiation was not something they would want to influence the deliberations of COPP. “They’re constantly at each other’s gardła (“gardła” is Kangaflufuvian for “throats”). “Yes!” agreed Oicurmt from Planet Cuzique. “It’s so very…”

This discussion went on and on. It is unnecessary to report on all forty-three negative comments from all forty-three member planets. Suffice to say that the result of the final vote was 43-1. You see, even though I had recused myself I voted anyway. I couldn’t believe the negativity of all these inferior planets.

The bit I didn’t like was having to return to Planet Earth and announce that our inclusion into COPP had been rejected. Instead (since I was the secretary) I told everyone that “it was a very easy call. The other planets love us and feel that they could learn so much by assimilating something of Earth’s over-powering magnanimity. The final vote was unanimous.”

As a footnote, it should be mentioned that the leaders of Earth were enraptured. We are certainly more powerful than other planets in terms of the military, and since our peaceful request has been accepted we shall now more easily influence the decisions of COPP by resorting to threats and violence.

20 thoughts on “2042. A secretary’s report

  1. Sarah Angleton

    I have served as the secretary of my local writers guild for a couple of years now. It never occurred to me I had so much power. I doubt anyone even reads those minutes. I could write anything, being a writer and all. I’m feeling a little puffed up here. Look out world!

    Liked by 3 people

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Ha ha! Enjoy the power. In my youth I was elected as the secretary of a speaking club. Week after week they unanimously rejected my minutes, and each year they would re-elect me! It was such fun – I basically attempted to insult as many members as possible in each record!

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
          1. dumbestblogger

            Facebook has explained that they will not explain why they choose to ban certain groups and individuals due to the “very real and credible threat that people can game the system.” He doesn’t want his name to be easy to spell!

            Liked by 1 person

            Reply
  2. umashankar

    There is no stopping the powers of a secretary, especially when one happens to have Earthen roots. It is another matter though that my brain is still in knots trying to figure reading ‘Pkjzqqht from Planet Bvdcjllp’.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

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