Well, Officer, I didn’t mean to kill him. He was my husband, after all. I dare say some married couples reach a stage where one or the other want to kill the spouse off. That certainly wasn’t the case with my husband and me.
I know we’ve had our ups and downs, but that doesn’t mean to say I wanted to kill him. Murder couldn’t have been further from my mind. As you must be able to tell from my personality, I hardly know one end of a gun from another. So it’s quite silly to accuse me of murdering my husband. His death was an accident.
Yes I know he was having a torrid affair with that cheap and tasteless woman who volunteers in the Opportunity Shop. You know the one? She wears artificial fur, and tights with leopard markings. And her shoes, when she’s wearing them – goodness me! She certainly undresses for the part. I wish she had been standing next to my husband when he was shot. I just might have fortuitously missed my husband and shot her instead. By accident of course.
No! No! I certainly didn’t mean to kill George. I wanted to fire bullets into his knees and into that area below the belt and above the knees. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to suffer like you wouldn’t believe. Dying was not meant to be an option. Murder never! I wanted the agony to be slow, painful, and permanent.
Weave a Web 
I wonder if the jury will be all female? If so she is as good as free!
Before I get beat up…of course I’m just joking!
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I think you should get beat up anyway – it might do you good to get hit by a Beatle.
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I always blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind…with a swift jab by my wife…I guess I know why now.
Well if I’m going to get hit…get hit by the best…a Beatle would be fantastic.
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Just so it isn’t with Maxwell’s Silver Hammer…
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It would fit though…I give it that.
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Sounds like George is better off dead.
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Agreed!
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Legally she’s on a sticky wicket. Murder is causing death with the intention either to kill or to cause grievous bodily harm. I rather think that ” I wanted to fire bullets into his knees and into that area below the belt and above the knees. I wanted him to suffer. I wanted him to suffer like you wouldn’t believe.” might just constitute an intent to cause GBH. But, I’m not a lawyer.
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Ah – but you’re the nearest you can get – with a 90% “pass”.
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Mistakes do happen sometimes.
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I’m humble enough to be ready for when I make my first mistake.
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You are a light in these sore times.
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Thank you. It is so consoling to know there are still some souls left in the world who are open to my fragility.
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While we women do like to talk about the shortcomings of our men, we seldom consider shooting them…though Lorena Bobbitt was not without sympathizers.
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Lorena Bobbitt was responsible for the creation of some very VERY funny jokes.
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I like when you use dramatic monologues to tell a story. It could have been easily composed in free verse.
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I’m not averse
to free verse
but to do a monologue
is more suited to a blog.
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And an occasional soliloquy too!
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This is really great characterisation Bruce, love the way you reveal the story line by line.
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Thanks Andrea – I rather like the picture too – but can’t credit it because I can’t find from whence it came.
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