1973. Renovations

No one was particularly enamoured with Ferdinand’s new wife, Portia. She was decidedly snobby. And fussy. Not only had she done up the house in an expensive manner, it was tasteless. For example, the carpet in the billiard room was a florescent image of Marilyn Monroe. It kind of glowed when the florescent lights above the billiard table were turned on.

Ferdinand’s parent’s, Elsie and Havisham, especially had not warmed to her, but had decided to make the most of a bad lot and visit and be generous and kind. What else could they do?

“And this,” spouted Portia, “is the renovated billiard room.” It was then that Havisham had a heart attack. It wasn’t a massive heart attack, but it was enough to make him vomit.

“The carpet!” screamed Portia. “You’re ruining the carpet.”

Later, after Havisham had made a full recovery, Elsie remarked, “Perhaps it wasn’t a heart attack at all. Perhaps it was Nature’s way of commenting on the carpet.”

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