Maia was between a rock and a hard place. She detested Luke, her brother-in-law, ever since he married her sister, and her sister and Luke had squandered the family inheritance. Now he was coming to stay – just for a few days. He said on the phone that it would be a helpful way to come to terms with the death of Maia’s sister, his wife.
Maia’s problem was this: all her murderous, noxious-filled, undetectable poisonous recipes involved meat, and her brother-in-law was vegan. This was a murder that Maia had wanted to accomplish for many a year and she wasn’t going to let this opportunity slip through her fingers. She was in need of a recipe that was undetectable, delectable, and kind to animals.
Usually Maia, when she had murderous intent, would make the most scrumptious looking steak and kidney pie. (For those not heavily into steak and kidney pie, I apologize). The offending poisonous recipe she had downloaded off the Net several years ago, and it worked a treat. Gradually Maia was able to clear inconvenient personages from her life and live free from nosy, noisome, niggly nerds. The most difficult victim was in fact her sister. She ate meat, but was a picky eater; in fact she picked out the pieces of kidney and ate only the chunks of steak. Thank goodness the downloaded recipe had specifically said to make sure both kidney and steak were to be carefully poisoned.
After quite extensive research, Maia settled on concocting a poisonous sweet potato and lentil shepherd’s pie for Luke. Maia had to admit that it smelled delicious, but of course she couldn’t taste it – not even a tiny sliver sliced surreptitiously from a corner. She didn’t want to poison herself!
Luke arrived. “I’ve made a sweet potato and lentil shepherd’s pie for dinner tonight,” said Maia.
“That’s lovely,” answered Luke. “I knew you weren’t vegan and would go to trouble, so I baked especially for you what looks to be a lovely steak and kidney pie. I downloaded the recipe off the Net.”
Really neatly done, Bruce!
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Thanks Nick – appreciated! A piece of pie for you.
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…oh, I’ve just eaten, thanks!
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Ha!
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Generosity is such a beautiful thing. Especially among family members.
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It isn’t
Bairdhard to be nice.LikeLiked by 2 people
You have no idea.
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Oh, a twist, a twist! Isn’t family just great? Look how swell they’ll get along now. ☠️
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Thanks Lucy. Twist and shout!
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Definitely one of your better ones. If I ever have the opportunity to visit New Zealand I’ll make sure and dine at restaurants.
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That would be wise (to dine at restaurants). There’s no tipping in New Zealand.
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I think I had heard that somewhere, but thanks for the tip.
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Ha!
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Checkmate! Great ending Bruce.
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Thanks Andrea. A piece of pie for you too!
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I love steak and kidney pie!
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I thought you would – it’s very similar to liver.
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They’re like kissing cousins!
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I couldn’t think of anything more unromantic – kissing cousins I mean. Liver and kidney any day here as you know!
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I’ll be sure to bring my own veggie pie, and my favourite cousin, when I drop in to see you.
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Not that gorgeous cousin of yours who’s a model in Canada?
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“Arsenic and Old Lace” come of age on the Internet. You might not know that a lot of groundwater in New Mexico has decent quantities of arsenic in it. We are slowly poiseoned by our “Land of Enchantment.”
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Arsenic and Old Lace was the first scary movie I ever saw!
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I never saw the movie, but I’ve seen the play many times.
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I think these two should go out to dinner…or bring in carry out.
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I think these two should stop trying to be sophisticated and use a gun!
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The contestants seem matched evenly here, quite like the Quidditch World Cup. I expect Lord Voldemort to pay respects to the winner, nothing less.
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I’m so left behind these days – I had to Google Voldemort. He clearly didn’t appear in any of the first 5 pages of any Rowling novel.
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If you persist through the first five books of the saga, you will surely meet him in all his glory.
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I’ll wait for the film. Oh! Already?
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My husband is vegetarian. I would quite like to have the sweet potato and lentil shepherd’s pie recipe.
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That is very funny!! I actually do have such a recipe somewhere but without the poison. It’s what gave me the idea!
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Surreptitiously? How dare you? I’m the only accredited word-man in this platform! I’m the word-mannest!
Withdraw from this agon celeritously, shall you enjoy the swift obliteration I will volley upon you.
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Blow! i thought I could sneak the word in.
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Nicely done, Bruce, but I do hipe Maia would immediately suspect her noxious brother-in-law was going to try to get rid of her for HER money. She seems smart enough.
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Let’s hope in these murderous plots that the less evil wins.
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😳
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Great ending …. Loved your blog ❤️
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Thank you!
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Such a terrific ending. But nosy, noisome, niggly nerds. You must really hate them! The alliteration says it all! And I wonder what a Lentil Shepherd’s Pie tastes like.
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Alliteration has killed many a nerd. As has onomatopoeia.
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