1853. Goldfish pond murder

The murder had been a long time in coming, but it was well worth the wait. Dale’s third wife, Damaris, had tragically drowned. One minute she was sitting in a wheelchair in the sunshine reading Margaret Mitchell’s novel Gone with the Wind and the next minute she herself was gone – floating dead in the garden goldfish pond, wheelchair and all.

Husband Dale was distraught. “I never knew wheelchairs could float,” he gasped at the policeman. People in morning sometimes say the silliest things. Later he added something about “fortunately she didn’t get the book wet.”

It must be stated clearly from the beginning that Damaris didn’t need to sit in the wheelchair. She was perfectly well in all respects. Her visiting sister, Brierley, was using the chair because she had sprained an ankle while messing around with Dale in the garden. Brierley had gone inside the house “to have a rest and put her foot up” and Damaris was sitting in the wheelchair because it was convenient and she liked to watch the fish. Suddenly the unbraked wheelchair went whizzing into the goldfish pond, and although Damaris was a reasonable swimmer she couldn’t untangle herself from the chair.

The deed was done! It was a tragic accident. As soon as they can dry the wheelchair Brierley will be making a fast entrance down the aisle of the nearest church. Let’s hope Dale doesn’t try any funny business with his latest wife. After all, Brierley has secret, perhaps handy, photographs of Dale holding Damaris under water.

28 thoughts on “1853. Goldfish pond murder

  1. João-Maria

    But Bruce, I heard from Danielle down the road that Brierley was Melissa disguised as Damaris’ sister, and that her husband Dale was actually cheating on Brierley with Irving from near the hillock, the one who lost her husband back in 2011 in that kayaking accident in the rapids that went up on the news and all, well, you know; I think Dale actually bedded Melissa who killed Brierley, but Melissa is Irving’s sister, and Damaris pretended to be Irving for years, back in the first War, and I suppose Damaris might have angered one of the goldfishes as well, you know her temper. Regardless, at least they still have those two shitty junkies for kids.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I think you got muddled between Irving and Irving. One was in a kayaking accident and the other was in a canoeing accident. It’s easy to get confused – especially since most people don’t know the difference between a canoe and a kayak. In fact Damaris’s last words were proportedly “Oh for a canoe!” and she meant kayak.

      Liked by 3 people

  2. umashankar

    The opening sentence is a stunning piece of understated black humour. This strain continues through the rest of the narration, as in the passing description of messing in the garden. I suspect, however, it will be an uneasy head of the protagonist that will lie on the new matrimonial pillow.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Ah – but this wasn’t a shallow goldfish pond, it was a veritable dangerous hole that looked deceptively shallow because of water weed. Originally I had her drown in the swimming pool but then I thought that a goldfish pond was more fun!

      Liked by 1 person


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