When this blog hits a roundish story number (in this case Number 1850) I try to blather on in a way more meaningless and useless than usual. Every second posting on the Net seems to offer advice on how to do this or that; how to increase readers to the blog, how to write a blog, and so on.
I don’t purport to be an expert (in anything). So today, rather than tell you how to go about writing a story I thought I would tell you how I go about writing a story. Perhaps the odd snippet might be of help. Possibly not.
This is me cooking, but I could just as easily be cooking up a story.
When I start writing a story I have absolutely no idea how it will end.
First of all, when I rise in the morning I check the news online, and look at the obituaries to see who has expired that I went to school with. From the obituary column I take one or two female and male names and jot them down. I don’t jot down any surnames, just the first names. I jot names down because by the time of a second cup of coffee I will have forgotten everything.
Armed with a name, the first sentence gets written. It can be anything. Sometimes it’s suggested by the name. Who cares? I type out whatever comes in my head. Today the selected names are Sheree, Ferris, Beverley, and Rex. Pick a name; if more enter the story the other three names are waiting!
Let’s start:
Beverley was forever sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong.
Isn’t it exciting? Who knows what she will do next! Who knows where it will end up!
Beverley was forever sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong. It seems that she stuck it in where it didn’t belong just the once too often.
Handy hint: Throw in little details to give the illusion that things are happening in real life.
Beverley was forever sticking her nose in where it didn’t belong. It seems that last Saturday, mid-morning, she stuck it in where it didn’t belong just the once too often. She had been baking for the first half of the morning and now was taking a small basket of oatmeal cookies to Ferris, who worked on the corner mending and sewing horse saddles for the rich and indolent. Beverley had heard that his marriage had disintegrated several months earlier and she, well, kind of fancied him.
“Hi,” said Beverley. “I was just passing on a visit to my grandmother’s when I thought I’d pop in to see how you’re doing. No doubt, with your wife no longer being at home, you miss the odd bit of home cooking. So I bought you this basket of homemade oatmeal cookies.”
“That’s very kind of you,” said Ferris. “Yes, I certainly miss the home cooking since Sheree has gone.”
“I suppose,” said Beverley tentatively, “she is not coming back?”
“You supposed right,” said Ferris.
“So how are you coping on your own then?”
“Why the hell don’t you mind your own business?” said Ferris, chucking a large pair of pliers and a mallet onto a pile of leather next to him. “What’s it to you?”
“I was just trying to be sympathetic, that’s all.”
“Well you’re a bloody nosy-parker. I don’t want your dried up cookies. You can take them away and piss off.”
“I heard,” said Beverley rather rankled, “that Sheree hadn’t left you at all, but you did her in and hid the body underneath the floorboards of this workshop.”
Ferris saw red. The collapse of a marriage is a very gruelling experience. One never knows what will happen next. Beverley’s been missing for just on a week now. No one has thought to look under the floorboards of Ferris’ workshop. And, yeah, Ferris enjoyed the cookies.
(Well I’m as surprised as you are).
That’s fascinating Bruce – I’m always admiring of the sheer numbers of ideas you have – it’s even more impressive to think you just pick a name and cook a story up from there…
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Thanks Andrea. But what I failed to mention is that I’m usually a couple of months ahead – so if nothing happens it doesn’t matter. Like in these past few days I have gone from 63 stories in waiting down to 54!
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That was very instructional. I learned two main points for sure. One is to jot down the names you plan to use before your second cup of coffee. The other is, never mess with Bruce or you may be very cleverly done away with in a very creative fashion.
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Ha! Ha! I have carefully avoided using the name of Herbert over recent weeks. Perhaps I’m saving it for a special occasion!
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Uh-oh. I can’t decide whether to feel anticipation or dread. I think you’ve mentioned this before.
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Dread!!
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I’d love to be done away with creatively by Bruce!
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Now there’s a brilliant suggestion! Kill off ones readers one by one! (In a creative manner of course).
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Can’t wait!
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Now that does sound interesting in a macabre sort of way.
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I’m working on it!
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Thank you for this wonderful post, made even better by a photo of you.
I think there might be some Sheri and Beverly leather saddles in that workshop.
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Thank you, Iseult! The saddles leather is an excellent idea although possibly saddles might be a touch too sophisticated for them.
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True.
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You have a strangely weird and wonderful way of thinking. And you cook as a bonus.
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Thanks Yvonne. Unfortunately my cooking often ends up as weirdly strange as the stories.
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I don’t believe that for one minute.
So, how long ago did you write that story, or do yoy do a special one when a significant number comes up?
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I wrote this on 23rd April – as far as I can see – and it’s been revised 5 times since. But I don’t think I made any big changes. I have to number everything otherwise I don’t know where I am.
Still no shopping lists lying about. People post-lockdown seem to have tidied up their tidiness act.
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I always appreciate it when your characters exhibit such excellent taste in sexual partners.
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Having excellent taste in sexual partners is not one of my strong points – hence their appearance in fiction. In the meantime I believe I’m too sexy for my shirt.
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I totally get what you mean about the shirt.
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Yes! Clothes maketh the man.
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Very nicely done! Thanks for a glimpse into your thought processes.
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Thank you! And thank goodness someone thinks I have thoughts!!
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Oh, you have the best, most twisted thoughts.
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Thank you! What a lovely compliment!
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I am indebted by that Masterclass in story writing, and surprised I am! You make it sound like a spontaneous motion like fish swimming in water or birds flitting about in a blue sky. But to the less endowed blokes like me who will often linger over the opening sentence for months, the experience belongs to an entirely different cosmos. That, perhaps, is the difference between the talented and the imposter.
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Uma, you have just explained why you are a better writer than I am. There’s a vast difference in the long run between care and slapdash. I often wish I’d take a bit more care and come up with something more enduring.
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Your stories are enduring enough!
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‘From the obituary column I take one or two female and male names and jot them down.’
Ahh…No wonder they end up like they do…hell they are already there!
Sometimes if you study over something too much you can polish the soul out of it…that goes with music and probably with stories also…hmmm Slapdash…good band name…along with Naked Fish.
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Slapdash and the Naked Fish – just don’t make it a rap or a punk band because I won’t buy their records. (Can you still buy records? and what would I play them on?)
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No rap or punk for me… actually my son really likes vinyl and so do a lot of young people now…a lot of new bands are releasing their songs on vinyl as well as digital and cd.
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Do you write in the morning, after coffee, or in the evening after a glass of wine? Does either influence the outcome for your poor subjects?
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I usually write early in the morning (I get up at 4) and I write only if there’s no work to do. It only takes me about 5 minutes to write a story, but I look at it for a couple of months and change words or phrases here and there. By 9 in the morning I’ve written half a dozen stories or so and am ready for bed again! The thing I most dislike because it takes longer to do than to write it is to post it on Word Press. The cursor keeps popping down to the bottom of the page and it’s the most soul-destroying thing to have to try and make a correction. I use Word Press’s old posting setup because it’s more flexible. Wine doesn’t help. It simply drives me to watch gardening videos on You Tube!!
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This was highly engaging r
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Thanks a
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Haha…
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Darn keyboard, did it again. Sorry Bruce. I was going to say this was not highly engaging. Jk. No, this was fascinating to see how content you are cooking and stirring up stories. Also, you look really well…strong enough to pull the ears off a gundark!
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Thanks Matthew! My cover has been revealed – yes, I am a gundark who rips the ears off other gundarks.
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haha,You’ve brought a big smile to my face today. My golly did I need it. Cheers amigo!
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I hope you’re not too down in the dumps Matthew. I have been listening to he Go-Betweens album. I like them very much! I like “Quiet Heart”
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