Aubrey was preparing a nice dinner for when his wife, Shona, got home from work. It wasn’t a special, special occasion, but nonetheless it was special enough. It was their thirteenth wedding anniversary.
Aubrey decided on nothing too fancy. He was going to poach salmon on a bed of sliced lemon. He would make a dill and mustard sauce, accompanied by potato and bean salad. Then all would be topped off with his wife’s favourite, rhubarb pie.
He was just beginning to prepare the meal when he realized he needed a lemon and had omitted getting one at the supermarket. Not to worry. His next door neighbour had a huge lemon tree, laden with fruit. In fact it was so close to the boundary fence that Aubrey could simply have reached over and plucked one. But Audrey was not one to do that.
He would visit Mrs. Geraldine Trapski and ask if he could have a lemon. Incidentally, Mrs. Trapski was renowned for her generosity. She was involved in the Girl Guides and had even been given a special medal after she had donated a not-so-small château in the mountains for the girls to use. She had also been seen (although some claimed it was a little ostentatious) putting a tin of beans in the bin for the poor at the supermarket. “Oh no!” Mrs. Trapski had said in a slightly louder voice when asked about it, “I always give something to the poor.”
Of course, this has little or nothing to do with this story. Aubrey needed a lemon and Mrs. Trapski had a tree-full. Aubrey knocked on Mrs. Trapski’s door.
“Good morning! Look, I was about to poach some salmon steaks and realized I don’t have a lemon. I was wondering if it was possible to borrow a lemon.”
“Borrow a lemon? Are you intending to bring it back?” joked Mrs. Trapski. “I’ve had some unusual requests today but nothing like this! Only this morning the Girl Guides phoned to say a window latch in their château that I donated needed fixing. Of course I’ll pay for it, I said. And then – you won’t believe this – at the supermarket I placed a small jar of what the British call gherkins but I really think the French word for them, cornichons, had a bit more class. But when I placed the jar in the poor bin the shop assistant exclaimed, the poor don’t eat that stuff. Goodness me! So I brought the jar home. I can’t stand the things myself so I threw them away. It was terribly wasteful of the shop assistant to force me into doing that. Waste not, want not has always been my motto. And in answer to your request for a lemon, the answer is no. Grow your own.”
Aubrey returned home with his tail between his legs, or he would’ve if he’d had a tail. Mrs Geraldine Trapski left home half an hour latter to attend her Bridge Evening, the snob, just as Aubrey’s wife Shona arrived home.
“Dinner will be a little late tonight,” said Aubrey. “I haven’t started it yet. We’re having salmon steaks poached on a bed of lemon slices from two large lemons.”
A sweet and sour tale.
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Yes indeed. I thought it sharp and blunt.
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Save me from generous folks like this.
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They’re all over the place!
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Mrs. Geraldine Trapski is somewhat of a bitch…there is no question about that…but I like her style…boring the hell out of you right before…”the answer is no. Grow your own”
Of course, she is missing two lemons because of it…
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Now that boring the hell out of people first might just be the way to go… !
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I like this one. I do hope Aubrey was aware of the security cameras, they say rich people have good lawyers.
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“They say rich people have good lawyers” – I believe however that her lawyer was a bit of a lemon.
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Makes sense. Hopefully she at least had a decent car.
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Personally I’m sorry to say that I have neither car not lawyer
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There’s no shame in a citrus free diet.
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Things like CNN would be much better off without citrus. (Am I being too obtuse?)
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They always make me pucker up and want to spit.
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You can’t always get what you want. And salmon tastes good so many ways…
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Trust you creative people to come in with clever alternatives! !
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The mystery thickens and takes the shape of two large lemons. I am glad our hero resisted the temptation to strangulate the arch-snob –it would have delayed the birthday feast even more.
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Strangulation is not a common method of murder. You comment is very noteworthy and will be used in the future.
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I will be waiting…
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I’m surprised nobody has addressed the real criminal element in this story, Aubrey. A self-confessed poacher, of all things. What nerve to ask Mrs Trapski to help him with his ill-gotten gains.
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Yes I agree. The guy was a let’s-get-everything-I can-get person. Inevitably his wife divorced him by the time of their 14th anniversary.
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