(Warning: there could be swearing)
Cornelius Dresdomida-Heregofinsopt was the most astonishing child prodigy since Adam was a boy. He was a musician. His two main instruments were piano and piccolo. You wouldn’t believe what he could do with a piccolo! Astonishing!
Since the age of five he had shown a remarkable talent for piano, and he celebrated his tenth birthday by playing Dmitri Smith’s 14th Piano Concerto in A minor accompanied by the Ulaanbaatar Symphony Orchestra.
Reviews were stunning. The fact that he played one of his own compositions as an encore proved that the world was on the cusp of discovering a talent so divine it made Bach look like a headless chicken.
Cornelius went on to become one of the greats of all time. Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Dresdomida-Heregofinsopt tripped off everyone’s tongue. Not only that, but he became the richest musician ever to hit the world stage. He was regarded as a phenomenon; a living icon; the incarnation of Michael the Archangel. Then he died, well into his eighties, leaving a body of work so vast that people were in disbelief.
Except none of this happened. Because when he was five years old and asked his parents if he could learn the piano, his father simply said, “No kid of mine is going to grow up a fuckin’ pansy.”
And that was that.
Quite right! 😆
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Ha! Ha!
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Well, that’s the way it goes, I guess.
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I guess.
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Well, when it goes that way.
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Someone should have pointed out to Cornelius’s parents that no pansy has ever played with the Ulaanbaatar symphony orchestra. The ghost of Genghis Kahn won’t allow it.
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Your comment is proof that this blog has only perceptive and highly intelligent readers who sometimes question the veracity of the facts outlined.
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I used to go to a Cinnabon in Ulaanbaatar all the time. It was delicious.
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No need to poke fun at it. It’s not just a fat hippopotamus. It has feelings. (Whatever it is.)
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My bad. I apologise.
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Accepted!
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Could we please have a version where we choose our own ending?
Have you officially changed your surname?
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I hope in your alternative ending you don’t have the poor boy die.
Re surname – so many bloggers have exotic nomenclature – so I’m going to dandy up my name online (probably temporarily) and I haven’t finished dandying it up yet! I am going back to the earliest known written format of my names – Brieuse Bernhard Piers-Gûdmönd. Do you think it look exotic enough?
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It’s a good start.
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My ending, my choice.
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Amazing to think how passion and encouragement is so vital to kids.
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Yes – that’s true indeed!
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When you said, ‘could be swearing’ I became obsessed just looking for swear words. And then when his father said what he did, I felt a great sigh of relief Cornelius was duly effected. Coincidentally, I just found out today my daughter received the highest report card scores from three grades of preschooling in her school. I told her she was a F&/king showoff and females should pursue other things.
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Congratulation on being the father of a genius. You should be taken out and wined and dined. Can you make a box of some sort so she can reach when she stands at the sink?
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I’m so sad. I was sure Cornelius would die because the piano fell on him, and it didn’t. What a shame.
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So much requested tragedy – and so little time.
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Indeed.
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The biography of Dresdomida-Heregofinsopt-Fuckinpansy is a touching reminder of talents nipped in the bud by sheer callousness of parents.
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It’s possible not an uncommon phenomenon – mind you, the opposite is probably true as well, with over-enthusiastic parental expectations.
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Swearing is good for the soul…well… that’s a bit sacrilegious
So what did Cornelius’s dad give him? What was un-pansy enough? Guitar, Drums, Heroin?
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If he couldn’t drive a big truck he was a fucking sissie.
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My name is Cornelius and I can lift heavy things.
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LOL – just don’t put a finger on that guitar!
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