Natalia kept her finances well-hidden. In fact, Natalie’s finances were so well-hidden that everyone presumed she was skint.
It wasn’t until she died that rumours started that possibly she had more than she led people to believe. She lived in a small fairly run-down house which she said in her will was to be sold, and what was left after funeral expenses should go to the Prevention of Cruelty to Cats Society. For the rest, it wasn’t much – not that she had much of a family anyway; just four or five grown-up nieces and nephews. Most each got what amounted to little more than an old piece of furniture or a domestic knick-knack.
Peter was left a dilapidated old writing desk. It was small, scratched, and ugly. In fact, he had nowhere to put it and no use for it. He dropped it off at the Salvation Army’s second-hand store on the way home. They could get a buck or two for it.
Freda was left a little music box that no longer worked. It had a glass ballerina on top that was meant to go around and around in time to the tinkling music. The container was much too big for jewellery. In fact it was a bit of a monstrosity. Dear Old Aunt Natalia! But… goodness! The broken music box was good only for the trash, which is where it ended up.
Darren was left Aunt Natalia’s old pieces of luggage; two battered suitcases. Not only were they empty, but they were extremely cumbersome and heavy. They were deceptively big for the relatively small amount they could hold. Just too, too old-fashion. He chucked them away.
Bryan got nothing other than a mention in the will. In fact the will stated that “Bryan gets a thousand dollars for every time he’s visited or asked after me in the last fifteen years – that is, absolutely zilch.”
Wendy got an old armchair. She actually did take it home. It was the right size for her dog. The dog’s bed was old and worn. This armchair wasn’t much better but it was free and suited the purpose.
So much for Aunt Natalia’s generosity! Yes, she kept her finances well-hidden because there was little to nothing to hide. The nieces and nephews weren’t particularly sad about her passing, although Wendy did say that “Aunt Natalia wasn’t a bad old stick”.
And then Natalia’s dog scratched a tear in the armchair’s upholstery.
The tail end of that story got very positive!
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Getting positive was clearly an oversight on my part!!
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I hope Wendy gave the dog a nice treat for uncovering the secret cache of cash.
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A special biscuit.
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Poor unlucky Bryan – but that bit made me laugh! (Not that the other bits didn’t, it’s just that that bit made me laugh more.)
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Glad you enjoyed it!
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I’ve been dipping into your blog for the last couple of days, and it’s great fun!
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I’ve just visited your and it’s brilliant! Was looking where to leave a decent comment!
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Thanks! Well, if you can’t find a place – there’s a ‘talk to me’ page you can use! (Its under ‘other pages’ or whatever it is I’ve headed it with).
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I agree. I chuckled throughout, but the part about Bryan was hilarious.
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Thanks Matthew!!
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What’s that about never looking a gift horse in the mouth! Love it!
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Last time I was gifted a horse I made the mistake of looking in its mouth.
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Let’s hope that you weren’t wearing a hat of carrots!
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In reality I;ve been on a horse only the once – and that was for about 30 seconds before I was bucked off. I was 7. I didn’t need a hat of carrots!
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A very different ending for you Brue… I thought Ricin was going to be hidden in one of the objects.
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Thanks for the idea Max. I shall introduce Ricin in a coming up posting. Now, how best to use it and who to use it on? Someone who’s bad and …
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There is the Bruce I know!
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Perhaps a sleeping dog that should have been let lie?
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Perhaps I should see a man about a dog…
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I adored this story Bruce. This one has to go in the Weave a Web coffee table book. That part about Brian being mentioned in the will was fabulous.
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Thanks Matthew. I don’t know enough dead people myself to ever have been mentioned in a will!
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And even if you did, it would be better to stay on their good terms.
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🙂
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The tear is surely an overload of sadness.
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Good pun!
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