The year was 3794. Professor Xiaoping Rakotoarisoa was cosmos-famous as a fossil personage. His speciality was human fossils. Other fossil experts throughout the cosmos were adept at studying relics of alternative intelligent life forms. On Earth it was particularly stunning when they discovered the overgrown ruins of a city on earth that experts believed was once called New York. Naturally Professor Rakotoarisoa led the research.
Of course they didn’t speak English, or even Spanish, in those far-off days in the future. They spoke quite a different language altogether. New York sounded profoundly exotic.
The city must have sunk into the sea rather suddenly, or perhaps the oceans rose to quickly cover it; something apparently to do with what they called Global Warming. There were literally thousands of human remains preserved in sediment. A good number were still wearing the clothes they died in. The clothing fabric preservation was remarkable.
The thing that most puzzled Professor Rakotoarisoa was that so many of them were wearing name tags. It was a puzzle, but a dream come true for those working in the field. And such wonderful names, such as Calvin Klein, Emporio Armani, Hugo Boss, and Ralph Lauren. Cotton-elastane Mix, Gucci, and Polyester were not uncommon names. Some of the names were quite long, such as Do Not Dry Clean, Do Not Iron, and Wash in Temperatures between 65 and 85°F. The Professor surmised that the longer names possibly belonged to royalty. The other factor Professor Rakotoarisoa found to be quite startling was how common the names were. Of all the thousands of clothed skeletons, perhaps there were fifty or sixty names that these people shared in common. Clearly New Yorkers were not a very imaginative bunch.
But my word! the thrill of discovery! Professor Rakotoarisoa was excited. His partner had just had a baby, and to celebrate his discovery of life as it was eons ago, Xiaoping Rakotoarisoa named his son Fruit of the Loom. If it had been a girl she would have been given an apparently royal name that tripped off the tongue: For Hygiene Purposes Please Keep Your Underwear on While Trying on the Garment.
Hygienia, for short.
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Hopefully not for long.
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😀
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Ha!
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What a brilliant story, BA.
I just went to my wardrobe, chose a garment at random, and will change my name to Cinnamon Creations.
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That’s an excellent idea. I’ve just discovered I am Chisel XXL.
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That’s a really tough sounding name! May I call you Chis, for short? You may call me Cinny (or Sinny, as the case may be.)
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I would make much out of the XX in the name.
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Like ‘kiss-kiss’ or something tougher?
My Canadian niece, who reads your posts, and gives me her feedback, says her wardrobe revealed she is Moc-o-doc.
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Moc-o-doc’s approaching royalty!
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I shan’t tell her you said that, she tends to let things go to her head.
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Like aunt, like niece?
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I will not comment on that comment, for some reason.
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Oh, Bruce, this is another good one. I do often wonder if archaeological interpretations are correct. Regardless of the name I might have were my clothing preserved, it can’t be better than the name of the tow truck driver I used recently that showed up when he called me: Klymaxx Mbazang. I didn’t want to ask if it was real or in fun, as the last name could be legit and his parents could have been…misguided.
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That name is hilarious, Lisa! I taught with a Ms Tickle (married name) whose first name was Teresa but she was known as Tess.
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OMG, poor woman.
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Another teacher was Penny Prophet.
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I hope they find that Malaysian flight while at it. Glad to see you back Bruce
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Am still not totally sorted with my computer problems, but Happy New Year Matthew!
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Likewise Bruce. I hope life is treating you well.
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It is a scintillating piece of science fiction which is also a commentary on how wild and off the mark the theorists can be. Carry on, Mr Specialist.
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Thank you, Uma. I suspect we all miss the mark at times!
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Spot on, on so many levels. Theology of a Wolsey and anthropology of a Levi Strauss!
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Thank you, Simon. Fortunately I can no longer fit into my Levis!
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So funny, and spot on! How about Polo? That would make a good name!
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Marco Polo would be a good name!
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