It’s time again to splash out with a bit of science fiction. Except this time it’s not fiction. It really happened so it’s more like science fact. It might read like fiction but as the saying goes, “Truth is stranger than fiction.” All I can say is that it happened to me and many would regard me as a man of veracity.
Recently an alien spacecraft landed on my back lawn. It was in the traditional flying saucer shape that many who make up stories like to portray the flying machines of aliens. Contrary to assorted popular accounts, this flying saucer did not leave any scorch marks on the grass of my lawn. Scorch marks are a piece of fictionary nonsense apparently.
I immediately went out onto my back porch to watch. (Silly me! I forgot to take my camera and I don’t have a clue how to take a photo with my phone. The only photo I have ever taken with my phone was quite by accident. It was mainly of my feet as I checked for any text messages while standing at a urinal). A door opened and out popped an alien. To be honest, it looked a bit spooky. More like what we conceive as a goblin; long pointy ears and a fairly long nose. It was very thin with long legs and wore green trousers and shirt. There was a neck piece in green and gold fabric sewn in triangles – a little like we might envisage Harlequin as wearing here on planet earth. (I mention this detail, not because I’m particularly interested in fashion, but because there might well be some readers who are. The accompanying picture is not a photograph of the event as already stated but an artist’s impression from the pen of a relatively talentless illustrator).
The alien approached me and my first thought was “How are we going to communicate if it doesn’t speak English?” The alien came prepared. By speaking through what looked like a large piece of cardboard with a plate-sized circular hole cut in the middle we were able to understand what each was saying. Immediately it said
Hlkj dflakj ljkhasdf kjalk jl sfgh likj alkjsa.
And I replied with
Ilkjetlkjb kl l’kjal ’lkjelk lkasdflkjalkj klkl lkkl kkga lkawpoije.
It then returned to the craft and flew off.
I was delighted to have been of help.
A delightful encounter, that. Apparently, he learned all he needed.
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I was afraid I’d told the alien too much, given too much away. So that’s why all I said was “Ilkjetlkjb kl l’kjal ’lkjelk lkasdflkjalkj klkl lkkl kkga lkawpoije”. I hope I didn’t put anyone in danger. What do you think?
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Most likely, no one is in danger. If you are sensitive enough to communicate with a being from another world, you would instantly know, if someone were in danger.
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Yes – that’s certainly been my experience – quite often – and it’s reassuring to know that in your dealings with extra-terrestrials your experience has been similar.
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I’ve not yet dealt with extraterrestrials. I am going on my own intuition, and what I would do in such a case.
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You’ll find – with extra-terrestrials – that the closer their home planet is to a Black Hole the nastier they get.
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Good to know! I wouldn’t like living near a Black Hole, either.
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With Black Holes, Yvonne, you have to watch your back…
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Who’s Yvonne?
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Well I wrote that at 4 in the morning before coffee. There were too many people to talk to at once – so I got a bit muddled, Herman. It’s now 6 a.m. so I’m a lot more lucid as you can see, Angela.
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🙂
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You could’ve written Welsh and I wouldn’t’ve gotten that, either!
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You don’t speak Welsh? And with a name like Owens?
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A married name like Owens, yes. 😀
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One of my best friends over the years is a John Owens – he’s a professor of Philosopher at a reputable university so he’s probably related to your husband.
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Probably. 🙂 I’ll let him know.
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It’s all Klingon to me.
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At least it’s no Clingin’.
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I’m not sure I would have spoken quite so rudely to an otherworldly visitor, but I suppose you could have handled it worse.
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Yes – but you too may well have responded in a rudely manner if you knew what “it” had said to me.
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Why does it give me a feeling there was an imminently forgettable exchange about Ku Klux Klan?
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That is very observant of you! It might stem from the typing error in the transcript.
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This makes sense since I once stuck the neck of a dog through a cardboard like material with a plate-sized circular hole and we understood each other perfectly. He said ‘woof’ and I said, ‘Now go git’.
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Well I’ll be doggone.
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I was abducted once and taken to a strange planet where there were human centipedes with iPads sticking out of their arses. They performed experiments. Now I crawl on all fours. I would write about it using my teeth but it’s the PTSD.
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I’m rather partial to iPads being used creatively – PTSD or not.
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Watch the South Park episode which satirises Apple and you’ll get what I mean.
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It seems that whether it’s the local town centre or outer space, you can never find a toilet when you need one…
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Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!
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