Poem 91: Thou wert my gate

I haven’t published a poem on this blog since last July, so here goes. Once again I have had the singular honour of winning the week’s “Terrible Poetry Contest”. My thanks to Chelsea, the instigator and judge. The theme for the week was “Engineering Failure”. I now know better how an astronaut feels when stepping on the surface of the moon – profoundly humbled by the experience. So here then, for your edification, is the terrible poem on “Engineering Failure”. Of course, it could double as a love poem if you want to use it for that.

Thou wert my gate
in the fence of life;
a doorway in the
corridor of existence;
a hole in the
wall of being

Now you have shut the
entrance to your heart
and I am shattered into a pile of quaking reinforced concrete.
No more will I hear your euphonious voice
wafting over the plastic barrier of time;
no more will my nostrils sense the scent
of your hair on the yellow brick road of vivacity.
Oh the audacity!

You have become an engineering failure,
a total engineering failure;
in fact you are the biggest engineering failure
I have ever encountered in my life.
And you are fat.
I wish you all the Botox you can lay your hands on.
You need it.

Strumpet! Strumpet!
You have no reason to blow your own trumpet
for thou art a total engineering failure!
Thou wert my gate
in the fence of life
but now you are just a pile of rocks –
to say nothing of your choice in tasteless frocks.

There you have it. Success has once again tempted me to blather on and on about myself – but, dear me, this is not Facebook. Mind you, I don’t belong to Facebook – or Twitter, or Instagram, or anything except this blog. I don’t even have Google Chrome. In fact, I don’t know if I’m utterly “Yesterday” or completely “Tomorrow”. I’m trying not to get spied on. I don’t even purchase anything on Amazon because of the astronomical cost of postage to New Zealand. Which accounts partly for why I am still reading stuff like Clarissa and Joseph Andrews with the odd contemporary thing thrown in that’s on hand such as John Millington Syne’s Riders to the Sea (my favourite play) and Mrs Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters.

So I hope you have a nice day – in fact a happy, happy day – and don’t feel bad if you haven’t got time to learn the above poem off by heart.

25 thoughts on “Poem 91: Thou wert my gate

  1. umashankar

    Yesterday’s yesterday is tomorrow’s tomorrow. No Tenth of December for overwrought souls like us. Congratulations on your missionary voyage to bad poetry.

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I haven’t read Saunders – in fact I’m extremely ill-read. I’m still hoping to get Cynthia’s book!! – although if everything in it was on her blog then I’ve read it.

      Reply
      1. umashankar

        Cynthia’s book contains mostly what you would have read on her blog. Still, it feels nice to have her in print. Have you started working on your own book?

        Reply
  2. Nitin

    You sir, are the Mahershala Ali of this contest. And Green Book was a great movie despite what the critics say! Man that was awful! It reminded me of my old poems that were on my once famous blog! I’m beginning to wonder if I should start a terrible poetry blog. I’ll have a thousand followers in no time!

    Reply
      1. Nitin

        He’s terrible! You should watch him on True Detective! Lol! Sorry I can’t keep this up! He’s good. He’ll he’s the best actor of this generation!!

        Reply
        1. Bruce Goodman Post author

          I haven’t seen a film for nearly 19 years – I’m not that proud of the fact. Nor listened to the radio or tv. But I keep trying to take my mind off life by blogging – yesterday I was given 7 days to pay the electric bill or they’ll cut the power off. So I think my internet days are numbered unless a miracle happens. Just letting you know in case I disappear entirely – it won’t be your fault!

          Reply
          1. Nitin

            Ha! A Bruce twist at the end of a comment! I prefer reading to watching a movie, but sometimes I give in and watch a good movie. I can’t stand romantic comedies or weird slapstick, or anything that’s slow. And I hate action movies that lack a good plot, and adventure and sci fi doesn’t really entertain me. So, what do I watch? You tell me! I just finished James Baldwin’s Go tell it on the mountain today. It’s an evocative book. It obviously comes from a place of torture because it’s unsettling and disturbing and riddled with terrifying religious imagery. I don’t know if you’ve read it and I don’t know if I should recommend it to anyone!

            Reply
            1. Bruce Goodman Post author

              I read too fast and miss 90% of what’s said. I haven’t read James Baldwin – it might be a (good) place to start. They’ve just bulldozed the library down in my local town (to make a park and to have a place for Saturday’s market. I guess we are meant to buy our books now at the one village bookshop (mainly recipes and woman’s things).

              Reply
              1. Nitin

                Man! That’s horrible. I’m starting to adapt though. I got myself a kindle. It saves me the trouble of going to a library or a bookstore and the books are a hell a lot cheaper. Maybe you could use one of those recipes to serve up a meal here. With a twist at the end of course!

                Reply
                1. Bruce Goodman Post author

                  Thanks Nitin. I do want to get a kindle (after I paid the electric bill!!!) I’m a bit behind in the technology these days – and used to be right up there back in the days of 1973 when I got the university computer to say “CRAP” out loud! I thought I was the cat’s pyjamas! Regarding the recipe books – the proof is in the pudding…

                  Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      And further to your comment – I’ve discovered that it doesn’t take very long before one realizes that most of what one does is shit. Even now I’ve realized that this shitty poem – as a shitty poem – is a shitty shitty poem. This poem was partly inspired by your epic/grandiose contribution to the bad poetry contest – and I thought using thou’s and lo’s was something to emulate!!

      Reply
      1. Nitin

        I keep editing my work because I think it’s crap. And then I progress and think I’ve reached a certain level, and then edit again because some epiphany tells me it’s still crap. That’s the life of most artists. We’re miserable, self-indulgent fellows. We portray reality but deep down we’re idealists. We dream a dozen scenarios or images but deep down we’ve given up. We do this hoping someone will appreciate it but deep down we’re sick of it all. Having said that, I’ll contradict myself and ask you to write and write some more because you entertain with a consistency that’s unparalleled. And I’ll also ask you to entertain yourself when you write and write for your own pleasure because in the end your gift serves you more than anybody else.

        Reply
        1. Bruce Goodman Post author

          Yep – that’s so true Nitin. The heart is so devious – even at my (I’m starting to admit) age I crave for some glimmer of recognition and then hate it when someone does.

          Reply

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