1414. God saith

The band of faithful had gathered together in the little church. The vicar was reading from the Bible:

Thou Lord hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deeps.
Thy wrath lieth hard upon me, and thou hast afflicted me with all thy waves.
Thou hast put away mine acquaintance far from me; thou hast made me an abomination unto them: I am shut up, and I cannot come forth.
Mine eye mourneth by …

Suddenly there was a great flash of light. All had to shield their eyes. A great reverberating voice boomed through the church:

Oh for God’s sake! I don’t have a clue what you’re talking about. Can’t you speak proper English?

At first all thought it was the voice of God, but then they realized it was the local atheist who had rigged up a system and was playing a trick. A visiting archdeacon taught the atheist a jolly good lesson by beating a bit of charity into him with a baseball bat.