1382. Saintly devotion

Matilde was devoutly religious. She prayed frequently to all the saints – at least to as many as possible. She always prayed the same prayer: Dear Saint N., Please give me a happy life.

Well…

Saint Hildegard von Bingen thought that Matilde would look fabulous driving around in a bright pink Volkswagen. And besides, it was a German brand. “I can see her now,” said Saint Hildegard, “and I’m sure it can be arranged.”

But Saint Thomas Aquinas thought that a bright pink Volkswagen was frivolous. “Why not find her a little Italian Vespa? She could run around in that and have no parking problems.”

Saint Katharine Drexel was on another venture altogether. She thought if Matilde had a little cottage by the sea she would have much happiness. “And the view! Can you imagine? Especially if she drove an American Ford.”

Saint Cuthbert had other ideas. “Look into the future,” he said. “Don’t you know about dangerous coastland erosion? Not to mention tsunamis.”

The discussion between the saints in heaven about how best to make Matilde happy went on and on. At times it almost became vitriolic. The saints are not talking to one another. Matilda got nothing, and lived a most miserable life.

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