Dearly Beloved in the Lord
Greetings! It has come to my attention that some of you are praying to God that you might win the lottery. You would like a better house and a bigger car. Perhaps you would like to travel the world. Allow me to point out the selfishness of that prayer.
Don’t you realize that the world is full of poor people who don’t even know where their next meal is coming from? Let alone having a roof over their heads. There are countless numbers of these poor people who are too lazy to work and so have to beg for money. And yet we still have to act with charity. They may be the scum of the earth but charity is called for.
So I say it loud and clear: give generously to the fund I have set up to help the poor and needy, and remember – charity in all things. Charity! Forget trying to win the lottery. Give from what you already have. There is no place for selfishness, and quite frankly, if you don’t whole-heartedly give to my fund for the poor I hope you burn in hell, you uncharitable bastards.
Emptying the piggy bank as soon as I finish this. What is the address?
I’m getting ready to move house, so keep it until I have my new address. I suppose you could make a direct payment through the bank, but I prefer cash.
Yes, it’s over AUD 10k, so we don’t want to be caught money laundering.
If it’s AUD I’ll just take the AUDI
Do let me know where to send it. I want to be saved
I don’t want to make my bank account number too private so I shall send the butler to collect it.
🙂
Do you accept Canadian money? I’ve got a couple of loonies I’d be happy to send your way!
I’d really prefer US dollars. Cash in the mail will do – and no return address please on the plain envelop.
The protagonist of the monologue has serious competition! There are entire nations that are hogging that queue!
True – which is why we have this honest fund – cash only please!
Fortunately, cash is as rare as oxygen on Mars to the bloke here.
Indeed! Money doesn’t grown in trees!
Oh bless your heart! As soon as I win the lottery I will get back to you.
That’s very
cruelgenerous.🙂
I figure you’d want cash, straight into your account if I could! I know you believe charity begins at home!
American dollars will be fine. With the recently elected new, young, and inexperienced Prime Minister in New Zealand, the New Zealand dollar is plummeting.
What? You aren’t accepting Godly checks?
I’ll accept them after a find a friendly bank!