1043. Facial tissues

Amy Thornton stood in the supermarket aisle and viewed all the boxes of facial tissues. So many brands. So many infusions. There was eucalyptus and jasmine and cinnamon and … some were just plain plain with no smell at all.

Then there were degrees of softness. Some were light and fluffy and some were strong. The fluffy ones were useless; one sneeze and they’d have a hole right through, putting phlegm in the palm of the hand.

Then there were different sizes: big ones, small one, some for the car, some for the handbag…

Life was so much easier when there had been only the one brand with the one size. In fact it was so much easier when people used a handkerchief.

Amy Thornton sneezed. It was a great big sneeze that sent particles of her common cold all over the boxes of tissues. The sneeze was what Amy had been waiting for. Now everyone who bought a tissue box would have reason to use it.

16 thoughts on “1043. Facial tissues

  1. Shubha Athavale

    Ha Ha. Growing up in India I used hankies and in kindergarten my mother would pin one to to my pinafore! In Australia I got so used to tissues that now I think they are a necessity. And the mess that is created when one gets into the wash!!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      I too grew up with hankies – “Clean underwear and clean hanky?” was the motherly catch cry as you left the house as a kid! And yes, I manage to put a tissue through the wash about once a week!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Yvonne

    I had overseas students staying with me for a number of years, when I lived in Adelaide. The ones from Asian countries found our use of tissues and hankies (which were then tucked back into a pocket for further use), quite unhygienic. I had never thought of it in that way, but I wasn’t about to start hawking and spitting the payload onto the footpath!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  3. umashankar

    Now, now! That amounts to chemical warfare! On the other hand, you whacked me out of complacence in style. Even though I know you are perennially​ planning a mischief or two but the innocuous roll of your prose got me once more. Outstanding!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Well, thank you, Uma. I cringe humbly before the great stylist himself. Stylist ain’t nothin’ – but you combine it with substance, which (from memory) Aristotle said was the greatest combination of all.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
        1. Bruce Goodman Post author

          Between you and me Uma… balloons are full of hot air, and they go pop – but they can float millions of miles before they pop – and the floating is the genius bit… That’s what I reckon anyway…

          Liked by 1 person

          Reply
  4. noelleg44

    Mwa ha ha! As the recipient of many germs from middle school students this year, this rang true. Maybe Kleenex should hire people to sneeze on their boxes before they leave the factory?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Bruce Goodman Post author

      Now Noelle, you’re a scientist… I find that those automatic insect spray machines that people have in houses give me a fibrillating heart. The smelly tissues do the same thing, and when I investigated it, it said that the fixing agent in those smelly tissues contains pyrethrum. I told my heart specialist that and he thought I was nuts!!! Perhaps there’s a doctoral thesis there for someone!

      Like

      Reply
      1. noelleg44

        Mmmm, could be! I don’t like the cheap tissues because they give off dust that makes me sneeze and the ones with lotion in them – I tried wiping my glasses with one of them and what a mess!

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

Gentle thoughts and expressions of astoundedness are both gratefully accepted.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s