Eloise wasn’t stupid; in fact she was rather clever. She had a degree in Chemistry and had worked for a time at some industrial plant before getting married off and having three children. But now, for whatever reason, she wanted to step off the planet and be done with it all. But she desired to die a seemingly natural death. She didn’t want to foist the reputation of a graphic suicide upon her family.
Eloise would throw dinner parties and quite sophisticated ones too. For several years she practised with arsenic. Just a little arsenic could make it look like her guests had got food poisoning. Once she had perfected the technique she would make several of her guests ill from food poisoning, and administer the big dosage to herself. How tragic (but totally natural) would be her death.
The occasion came. The guests arrived.
There was Lord and Lady Milford. Lady Milford would get a mild bout of food poisoning from a trifling dose of arsenic in the Three Cheese Ravioli appetizer.
There was Hector Staffordshire and his partner Countess Ascrida Rognvaldsdatter. Hector would get a mild bout of food poisoning from a trifling dose of arsenic in the fresh homemade Caribbean Angel Hair Pasta in a rich creamy chardonnay sauce, topped with fresh calamari, shrimp, and capsicums.
The other dinner guests would get off scot free, apart from Eloise herself. She would get a terminal bout of food poisoning from the decadent slices of apple, caramelized with cinnamon and dark rum, served over arsenic-laced vanilla custard.
Everything almost went according to plan, although Lady Milford had a cheese allergy so Eloise served the arsenic to her husband. It didn’t matter who got food poisoning as long as it was someone.
Next the Countess Ascrida Rognvaldsdatter kept sharing little bits of poisoned calamari to Hector Staffordshire, as lovers do; giggling and shoving little titbits of this and that into each other’s mouth. It was most annoying, but both would pay for it in the end.
And then came the dessert-time. Eloise got muddled. She had dished up the dessert and couldn’t remember which one had her portion of arsenic-laced vanilla custard.
Lady Milford and the Countess swept into the kitchen to help, uplifted all the dessert plates at once and deposited a dish in front of each guest. One of them would die. But who? All began to eat.
And then Eloise remembered… Her three children were in the kitchen tucking into leftovers…
To listen to the story being read click HERE!
Oh no! It’s Eloise who should have received the portion of just desserts. Dear oh dear. (By the way, you outdid yourself with the names in this one, especially Ascrid Rognvaldsdatter!)
LikeLiked by 3 people
Thanks! These Nordic names are a little bit difficult to know how to pronounce! Thank goodness there was no O with the line through it: ø
LikeLike
Yes, that explains everything. My youngest daughter decided this morning she would teach herself Korean and was showing me her work. I’m pretty sure there must have been cross-pollination between Korea and Scandinavia.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I suspect your comment points to the fact that Korean and Swedish are not your forte!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ja.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s tragic!
I really wish there’s another part of the story which continues to tell that something (please it be anything!) happened which saved the lives of everyone and everyone stays happy!
Your writing style is amazing!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for much. Your comment is an honour! Something similar happened in real life in New Zealand where a guest took home some of the dessert to give to her little boy – who subsequently died.
LikeLiked by 1 person
The best laid plans get oft screwed up.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Arsenic laced custard makes for a variation on Arsenic and old lace
LikeLiked by 1 person
A fine cautionary tale for when I get totally dis-custard with life…..
LikeLiked by 4 people
Indeed – we must plan our custard demises minus the dinner party Those interfering guests can put a real spanner in the works! Oddly, I found myself thinking of a dish of peaches and custard last evening with some longing ……. I must have been channeling our writer friend!
LikeLiked by 3 people
Hah! And I made a bread pudding with naan that turned out mostly like a custard!
LikeLiked by 2 people
My naan used to make bread pudding too – but she died! Which reminds me – I am starting to make a list of words that we possibly presume have the same meaning from one country to another but don’t: supper being a case in point; and tea – and yams – and oca – and… this list will quite change the way we comprehend events in each others literature! I’m not ready for suggestions yet, as I’m a flea in a bottle at the moment…. but it’s a good idea, do you think?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, I do think so.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a good idea, but what in heck is an oca??
LikeLiked by 1 person
An oca is what we call a yam.
LikeLike
I yam what I yam.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Smile and you’ll be cheese and yam.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I haven’t had dessert for about a year – but now you have me hanging out for peaches with lots of custard (and cream).
LikeLike
Custard laced with …….. er …….. ?
LikeLiked by 1 person
… any brandy handy.
LikeLike
Or liqueur ……. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Drambuie. I’ll have mine straight, on the rocks, please. The unlacy custard can fend for itself.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Straight out of the bottle is best!
LikeLiked by 1 person
How gauche…
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
What is the sauce of all this dis-custard stuff? I too shall take a lesson from this story as well – a fair warning not to muddle up my demise with any dinner party.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m going to make brownies. And tomorrow some strawberry jam. With vanilla. No poison. No custard either.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Go on! Be a devil! Just a few drops of arsenic!
LikeLiked by 1 person
One day you’ll have to explore the reasons behind her suicidal pulsions 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It could make a novel…
LikeLiked by 1 person
As you get closer to the number 1000, you get deadlier and deadlier. One of these days I am going to step back and begin counting all those corpses.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hopefully, once counted, you’d be dead right.
LikeLiked by 1 person
27/28 minutes if you don’t want to watch it all
LikeLiked by 1 person
I shall watch it later this evening – Dennis Potter is one of my favourite writers, so I want to savour the moment. Loved the Mozart during the credits at the start!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The section I’ve indicated is not the one burned in my memory. That must come later in the film. I’ll probably watch it again myself, now I’ve found it
LikeLiked by 1 person
Really hit your stride there, Bruce! And I loved the names…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks. All my names are taken out of the local newspaper’s daily obituaries. Although I do muddle up the first names with the surnames so that it’s not recognizable!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brilliant idea!
LikeLiked by 1 person
What can I say? Oops!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oops here too!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I like how indiscriminate she is with who suffers the food poisoning. Now, what a timely piece of writing. I am suffering a mild case of food poisoning as I type. A result of something a family member made for lunch. Should I be concerned?
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wouldn’t be at all surprised if…
LikeLike
I knew it! That damned vanilla dessert… I bet it has to do with their stupid study of Chemistry. Or, they’ve been mixing with Eloise…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reputation of vanilla custard is ruined 😦
LikeLiked by 1 person
What a deliciously wicked story…and ending like that!!! Crumbs!! I read it three times but decided I could not bear the thought of the kids keeling over and decided the Nordic countess should get the the arsenic laces vanilla. her Viking blood will make her bare the suffering and probably survive and Louise will come to her senses…someone that can cook so heavenly should not think of suicide ;o) xo Johanna
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ha ha! I did enjoy your response!
LikeLiked by 1 person
*Eloise….ouch
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pingback: The Barbecue | derrickjknight
Great piece! Makes me want to know more about Eloise and definitely makes me want to know what happens next!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Angelica! I’m not sure what happened next either!
LikeLiked by 1 person